Year End

So it’s been a while since I last blogged but I’ve had a lot going on and not really enough time to sit and write out what I’ve been doing or thinking.  So on New Year’s Eve I’ve decided to sit down and write it all out.  I had planned on attending the Make A Wish New Year’s Eve
Gala tonight but severe weather in Mississippi put those plans out of whack.  I couldn’t think of being anywhere but home when these storms moved through and now I’m glad I was home.  As I kept track of the weather I kept my brother and sister-in-law up to date on the location of tornadoes.  TORNADOES on New Year’s Eve, yeah odd but true.  Anyway everyone is safe so onto the holidays.

So for the first time in a REALLY long time I spent the night at my mother’s house on Christmas Eve and woke up on Christmas day there. And I have to tell you that it was a joy to experience that.  I have always loved spending Christmas Eve with my mom, step dad and my brothers.  Unfortunately this year Chris wasn’t able to be there b/c he has his own family now but it was still fun.  We spent the night watching old family videos and let me tell you that was FUNNY!!  It was also so much fun to see all that and to remember.  Waking up Christmas morning and not having to worry about driving somewhere at that moment was so relieving and relaxing that it made the morning that much more enjoyable.  My stepdad made breakfast and my mom and Brandon and I laid in the bed.  Once breakfast was done we moved along to opening gifts, which is also my favorite part (not b/c I like getting gifts, I do but that’s not it) I love seeing my families’ faces when they see what I have gotten them.  Needless to say everyone loved their gifts and were totally surprised by them. 

After presents were opened there I packed up my stuff and Beau and we headed back to Jackson to go to my dad’s house for Christmas.  Apparently Beau didn’t take to well to the trip to mom’s b/c when I dropped him off at my best friend’s mom’s house he started growling at everyone and slept the whole time. Weird.  Anyway when I got to my dad’s house I was actually early (shock and awwww) and actually sat and watched “It’s a Wonderful Life” with my sis, Hillary. Love that movie and loved spending time with her.  Then there was dinner and more presents and then time to leave. Man it was a long weekend but this last week was even longer.

I didn’t think it could be longer but it was longer.   My sister and I got tickets to go to a concert at the House of Blues in New Orleans on Tuesday and I had to be back at work on Thursday in order to get paid for the holiday.  So we drove down to New Orleans Tuesday to see this really awesome band, The 100 Monkeys!! I know sounds like a really odd name for a band but then there are tons of weird named bands out there.  Anywho, this band was amazing. They put on a really good show and a really entertaining show.  Their music is not mainstream and I love that.  I would call them a type of funky bluezy rock.  The guys are really animated when they perform and that makes the show that much more fun.  This was actually the first time my sister and I have been on a trip with just the two of us and I have to say that it was really fun.  On Wednesday we got up, checked out of the hotel and walked around the French Market.  Of course no trip to New Orleans is complete without a trip to Café du Monde.  All in all it was a very fun trip. Minus the extreme pain I felt in my feet.  Note to self do not wear boots with heels and then stand for SEVERAL hours or you will experience extreme pain! It was still a good trip and a good way to end the holiday season.

So yeah that’s how my holidays went.  Here’s to hoping that 2011 brings good things for us all.

Happy New Year!!!

Court J

Volunteering

I am a huge advocate for volunteering, I may not do it much myself but I hole heartedly believe in it.  I think volunteering serves two purposes. The first purpose is the obvious one, you are helping someone or some organization out free of charge. You are donating your time to them. The second purpose is one that gets reiterated each time I volunteer.  It’s the feeling you, the volunteer, get after you’ve done this good deed.  There is no feeling like that, the feeling of doing something good for your fellow man.

When I was in high school I knew about volunteering I just never did and now I wish I would have done so.  When I went off to Ole Miss there was a girl on my floor during my senior year (yes I lived in the dorm throughout college) who knew of a sorority that wasn’t like the ones on campus.  She wanted to bring it to Ole Miss because it was different.  If you’ve ever been to any major university then you know that sororities and fraternities are big on campus and they are mainly social (meaning people join to meet other people).  There is nothing wrong with those groups and I know plenty of people who joined them, they just weren’t for me. So when this friend asked me if I wanted to join a sorority I was kind of gun shy about it. I mean I didn’t know if I could afford to be in one or if I even wanted to be in one.  But then she explained to me that this sorority was different.  This sorority was a service sorority, meaning the ENTIRE purpose of it was to volunteer!  Sure you met new people but you were servicing your community and others in need.  Well I was all for that and joined. And on January 25, 2003 I became an active member in this sorority after helping found the chapter on the Ole Miss campus. The sorority is Omega Phi Alpha and our chapter is Alpha Beta.  I was actually our chapter first Alumni as I graduated from Ole Miss in May of 2003.  The projects that we did in the semester we were forming the chapter and the semester after we officially became a chapter were amazing and life changing to me.

I never realized that doing that kind of service for others could give you that feeling.  That’s why when I started working for the company I now work for and found out that there would be more volunteering opportunities I jumped at the chance.  I am always the first to volunteer and not because I can get out of work (although that is a plus) but mainly because I LOVE to do it.  Yesterday is a good example of that. I volunteered, with some co-workers, at the Salvation Army’s Angel Tree Toy Shop gathering the Angels toys together and organizing them and in some cases putting toys and clothes together for those children who didn’t get adopted.  Seeing the generosity of some many people during a time when the economy is not great really moved me and had me on the verge of tears.  I really wish I could see the children’s faces when they open their presents. I don’t have any children so I don’t get to experience the look on their faces on Christmas morning when they open their gifts and get what they wanted so I live every year for the Angel Tree because I can just imagine those children’s faces when they thought they were getting nothing, get something. It moves me.  I am so thankful that my job gives me the opportunity to volunteer for various projects.

I encourage EVERYONE to volunteer at least once a year and not just at Christmas time, although that’s awesome, but throughout the year when most people don’t volunteer.  Contact your stewpot, Habitat for Humanity, Salvation Army or even the children’s hospital. I know there are more so contact them.  Me personally I in the process of training to become a Wish Granter with the Make-A-Wish foundation and I can’t wait to start!!

Merry Christmas All!!

Much Love,

Courtney

Worried Parents

I know I worry my parents.  I mean if they didn’t worry about me then I would be worried about them.  I know it’s natural for parents to worry about their children.  I don’t have children so I don’t fully understand the worry but I know it’s natural.  In my case I am single with no prospects (and I haven’t had any prospects recently) so naturally my parents worry about me. They worry that I’m never going to find someone to share my life with, of course they don’t tell me this but I know it’s there.  My mom I think worries about that more than my dad and step dad.  I think it is more natural for moms to want their daughters married and having a family. And I do want to get married and have a family, I’m just scared b/c I’ve been hurt before.  I try to explain that to my mom, that getting out there is really scary and I think she’s finally got it and just wants me to be happy. 

After I graduated college my mom and I had an argument about where I was in my life compared to where she was in hers at my age.  You see when I graduated from college I was 22, well 21 but turned 22 the next week, and when my mother was 21/22 she was married and had me when she was 23.  She was telling me that I needed to be married b/c she had been married when she was my age.  Of course being the young 22 year old that I was and a recent graduate on top of that I threw in her face that while she had been married at my age, I had a college education and wasn’t that more important to her than being married and having kids.  Like I said I was smart but not when it came to common sense in some areas.  Of course my mom was proud of me for graduating college and doing something she hadn’t done (she may have even been a little bitter about it) but that didn’t mean that she didn’t want me to experience motherhood and being a wife.  Needless to say we had it out about it with my step dad taking my side and saying that there was no need for me to rush into marriage and family and that when I met the right person I would know.   For a long time this didn’t work for my mom b/c she came from the school of thought that a woman needed a man to protect her and take care of her and I can respect that but that wasn’t the kind of life I wanted for myself.  I didn’t, and still don’t, want a life where I had to rely on a man to take care of things. 

So to prove to myself, my mom and even both of my dads that I could take care of myself I moved out of Mississippi.  My best friend, a college roommate, and myself decided to pack our things and move to Fort Worth, Texas. Why? Well because Texas has cowboys and we always wanted a cowboy and I just needed to get out of Mississippi.  So I applied to graduate schools in the Fort Worth area, got accepted on my 24^th birthday and by that June we were packed and moved to Fort Worth. Man that was an adventure! But that’s for another day.  I remember telling my dad that I was moving and he was happy for me, told me that I needed to do this to experience life.  My dad never really seems to be worried about me, I don’t know if that’s because he just has that much faith in me to do the right things and be careful, or if it’s just Faith.  But he encouraged it and told me to call him weekly and check in (showing his worry there).  My step dad gave me some money, hugged me, told me to be careful and he would miss me and told me he loved me (we’ve had a rough relationship, mainly b/c I was a rebellious young teenager and he was the enforcer but then we got passed it so this meant a lot to me).  My mom was a different story.  I saw the worry on her face and heard it in her voice every time I talked to her.  I don’t think she was worried that I would fail; she had too much faith in me for that, I think she was worried that I would finally meet that someone out in Texas and I wouldn’t be home.  I think she was worried that I was going to grow up and not need her anymore.  Maybe that’s every parent’s worry, that their kids will grow up and no longer need them anymore. 

To make a long story short, I got to Texas, met some guys and realized that I missed my family too much and figured I had proved to myself that I could make it on my own and I didn’t need to rely solely on my parents or a man to make it in life but that it would be nice to have a little back up.  So I moved back home.  I had too much going on in my family to be 6 hours away from them.  I think I realized this during Katrina when I couldn’t get in touch with them and I didn’t know what was going on.  I didn’t like that feeling one bit or the feeling of not being able to help them b/c I was so far away.  Then my brother joined the National Guard and got activated to go to Iraq and my grandmother’s health started quickly declining.  There was just too much going on here for me to be in Texas.  My family needed me and I was experiencing some of that worry. So I moved home a different woman, a more confident woman.  I had some more blow ups with my mom, mainly both of us trying to come to grips with me growing up and becoming an adult.  We’ve since worked it out and my mom tells me on a daily basis how much she loves me and trusts me to make the right decisions.  She also tells me not to rush into any relationship and that when the right man comes along, I’ll know.  Seems she finally got the memo.  Now I know she still worries about me, I hear it in her voice but when she worries, she’s worrying about my safety when I’m driving home from her house or from work.  She’s worrying about my general well being.  She’s being a mom.

Now I’m trying to take anything away from my dad or my step dad. I know they too worry about my general well being and my safety. Because that’s just what dad’s do.  Dad’s check your tires, make sure your car is running properly and make sure you have enough money.

Bottom line? I love my parents more than words can express.  They may drive me crazy (and they may be crazy) but they’re mine and I love ‘em!

Much love! Courtney

P.S. God doesn't give you the people you want, He gives you the people you NEED: To help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you into the person you were meant to be.

The Help

In a previous post I wrote that I was reading The Help and that once I finished I would get back. Well guess what! I finished it.  Once I past a certain point in the book I couldn’t seem to put it down.  Even though the story is fiction (and the author makes a note in her own words at the end of the book to make it known to the reader) it could just as well be true.  Anyone who has grown up in the South and studied the region has read about life in the 1950s and 1960s and how drastic things got.  As I was reading the book I got angry and some of the things that she was writing about, not at the author, but at the fact that what she was writing was true.  The fact that there really were conversations about white people getting diseases from their black help if they sat on the same toilet (that’s right I said toilet), the fact that different bathrooms were built so this wouldn’t happen just makes me depressed. I can’t imagine thinking those things or even acting on those things. But when I stop and think about that time period I am reminded how far as a city, state, and nation we have come and how far we have to go. 

In the past movies and even books have portrayed the South as a backwards community that did not know what was going on in the “real” world and refused to progress with the speed of the rest of the country.  Just because we’re slow and don’t do things at the speed the rest of the country thinks we should, doesn’t make us backwards. I once traveled to Memphis with the high school band and met a band from Minnesota and they asked us if we had air conditioning in Mississippi and if we wore shoes.  I was shocked that this perception still existed in the 20^th Century (it happened in 1998) and that people actually believed that we didn’t have air conditioning, but that’s Hollywood for you, painting an inaccurate picture.  Yes it is EXTREMELY hot in Mississippi during the summer, but we have air conditioning and we wear shoes, maybe not at home but at least in public.   We are a proud stubborn people, we have seen things that no one should have to see, we have experienced things that no one should have to experience and we brought it all on ourselves.  There are some of us who refuse to let that part of our history die and refuse to believe that they were wrong.  But that is not everyone in the South.  We are an educated people and those of us educated choose to stay with the hopes of making it a better place to live for our children and their children.  And yes there may be times when we southerners choose not to do things only b/c someone from the outside is telling us we need to do it.  This isn’t being backwards but being prideful and having a natural reaction to someone from the outside telling us what we “need” to do. I mean how would you feel if someone told you that everything you believed was wrong and everything you had been taught your ENTIRE life was now wrong.  The way you lived your life was wrong and backwards and you needed to fix it. I don’t think many people would take too kindly to this and I think they would have the same reaction.  Yes things in the South were bad and needed to change in the 1950s and 1960s and yes many southerners needed to be told to change and have it pointed out to them that this needed to happen.   What I guess I’m arguing is that, things have changed in the South.  Sure there are many things that need to change but there are many things that need to change across the country.  Hollywood pointing to the South like it’s the redheaded step child of the country needs to stop! Some of the most talented people have come from the South.  Some of the most beautiful works of art, both in literature and paintings have come from the South.

So I am pleased to see that a southern writer wrote about her state during a time she grew up and experienced it. I’m excited to see how the movie will turn out and to hear the actors take on the dreaded southern accent. (By the way just because we talk slow doesn’t mean we are slow, just means we enjoy talking and listening so we take our time).  Kathryn Stockett is from Mississippi and will quickly admit that as soon as she was old enough she got out of Mississippi. She also writes that it is perfectly ok for her to speak ill of her mother (that being Mississippi) but she will gladly educate anyone else speaking ill of her mother (unless of course Mississippi is that person’s mother as well).  And I have to say that I have done the same thing! I may hate many things about living in Mississippi but I LOVE this state. I love the people of this state, even if some of them still cling to the old ways, I love the feel of this state and I love knowing that when I pass someone on the street they are going to smile Hello to me and sometimes ask how I’m doing. You can’t get that anywhere else.  Sure the weather is not something to brag about, one day its 60 degrees, the next it could be 80 and then 30 degrees. But you get used to it.

In The Help Kathryn Stockett tells the story of three brave women who choose to write a book about the lives of maids in Jackson, Mississippi.  Brave because they decided to tell the story during the Civil Rights Movement when blacks were being beaten or killed and whites who helped were getting the same treatment.  Brave because it was a new frontier, no one knew what happened between a maid and her missus and these women were about to tell this story.  As I was reading it there was one character that I did not like and if I met her today there is no telling what I would say to her.  This character’s name is Hilly and she is the know it all, she is in charge of the Jackson League and leads the women in the community.  What Hilly says usually goes.  We all know women like this, knew them when we were girls and knew them in college.  I can’t stand this woman.  There is a difference between being a leader and being a dictator. Hilly and women like her are dictators.  They lead by placing fear of retribution into those they lead.  No one wants to be ostracized, as one of the three women, Skeeter, finds out. Being on the outside was no fun for Skeeter and I think having her best friend Hilly(for they were best friends) do this to her, opened Skeeter’s eyes and motivated her to write the book faster.  The Help takes on a subject that many people have thought about and maybe even written about but it tells a story from the point of view of the help and one woman who chose to step out of her character at the cost of her friendships and relationships.  Mrs. Stockett does a great job of pointing out the things that needed to be changed in Jackson, Mississippi in the 1960s and of pointing out that things may appear different on the surface than they are beneath it.

I recommend this book to EVERYONE. Read it and then next year when the movie comes out, go see the movie.  It’s a fictional story about fictional people but the circumstances in this fiction could be and probably are true.

Little Things

So I was out Christmas shopping last weekend in New Orleans. Of course you ask, why did you go to New Orleans to shop? Well my friends and I wanted some new shopping grounds so to speak so we decided the French Market was unique and would make each gift we got just as unique.

So the week of the shopping trip I make my list (the same list I make every year with a few more added in) and begin to think about what I am going to get each person on my list. I have an idea of what to get the ladies b/c they usually like the same things I do so that's easy.  My dad and step dad are pretty easy as well. My brothers and nephew are really easy.  Then I come across my cousin's name, who is a Mississippi State fan (I'm a huge Ole Miss fan) and I begin to wonder what I will get him. Buying anything MSU or LSU is completely out of the question in my book b/c I refuse to support any one's support of those teams. (It's just unheard of ;) )  Well I couldn't seem to figure out what to get him and on my way home from work I stopped at a little store to figure something out.  There it was the perfect gift for him but could I really buy it for him??? I mean it goes against everything I stand for and what if someone saw me with it, what would they think?? So I swallowed my pride and bought it.  What was it? An MSU travel mug! Shhhhh.....

I felt bad for purchasing it but then I thought it's not for me and he would really love and appreciate that I, an Ole Miss fan, bought it for him. So when I was in New Orleans I cam across another good gift for a friend but it would mean crossing that line again, only worse this time.  You see she is an LSU and Ole Miss fan (how I don't know) but she is surrounded by LSU fans year round therefore she supports them more.  At the French Market I found a watch, the band is purple and the face is tiger stripped and I thought to myself how much she would really love this watch.  Then I think to myself, am I really about to do this AGAIN and with an LSU item?? (You see there is huge animosity between Ole Miss and LSU fans)  But again I think, this is not about me but about the person I am buying the gift for and she would really like this watch and it is unique.

So I purchase it for her to the shocked gasps of my best friend (also an Ole Miss alum) and her cousin (a future Rebel).  But what can I say I like to surprise people with gifts that they would never suspect and I love looking at their faces when they open them and a little tear comes to their eye when they realize that I thought about their likes when I bought their gift.  That I took their wants and desires into consideration and got something that is uniquely them.  It's the little things like that, that push me to make those special purchases.

Christmas Decorations

I live in a pretty nice neighborhood outside of Madison, MS (Gluckstadt) and some of my neighbors decorate their houses with lights and other decorations and others don't. When we first moved in I was sort of surprised that more people didn't participate in it but since I can't afford to buy enough decorations or lights to deck our my house I didn't put too  much thought into it.  Let me be real honest the only reason I don't put decorations up is because a) I don't have a ladder to get the lights on the house, b) if I did have one I would be to terrified to go up and do it and c) I'm not really coordinated enough to decorate.  (I'll also add that I'm lazy and on the weekends like to do nothing). Anyway, I always thought that once I got a house of my own I would put more effort into it, and I probably will, but right now I'm renting the house and I don't get home until it's dark and I'm rarely home on the weekends so I see no point in it. I guess what I don't understand is why people don't but I'm not judging them cause let's be honest I have no room to judge. I will however judge those who do put them up. The people who go through the hassle to put up decorations to entertain those who pass by have my utter appreciation!! I love looking at decorations and really find much joy in driving down the road and seeing the lights. So those who put them up to entertain us, Thank You!

I may not decorate the outside of my house but my roommate/best friend Misty and I do decorated the inside of the house the best we can. The fireplace and the Christmas tree get most of the attention but there are nick nacks around the living room as well.  Every year we take turns on who's color theme we will use and this year it's my color theme. I'm a real traditional person and love the traditional Christmas colors, red, green and gold. But we've already done that one year so this year I chose green and gold, and let me tell you it came out great!! Last year we had red, chocolate, and pink (Misty's choice) and in my opinion this one is better. I'll be honest though and say that I love Christmas trees so the decorations only add to it.  Here is a picture of the tree and the fireplace.  I'm working on getting a picture of the tree in the daytime so that you can see the green and gold balls as well as the bows. I'll add it once I do.

Merry Christmas!!!
Courtney

Christmas Time

Every year at Christmas my mom asks me what I want. And every year I tell her that anything she wants to get me is more than enough. I'm almost 30 years old so there really isn't anything that I need that I can't get for myself (or that she and my step dad can afford to get for me) so I tell her that whatever she gets for me will be fine.  She, being my mother, doesn't like this.  She always thinks I need stuff and that I need more than what she can give me. Which is a good thing I guess but it also makes her feel guilty b/c she can't give me what she thinks I need. Every year I tell her (and I truly mean it) that I am perfectly happy with the things she gets me and that I would still be happy if she couldn't get me anything.  This is how I truly feel. Every year I am just so thankful that I have my mother to celebrate the holidays with and that she is in good health. Every year I am happy that my family is together.  I appreciate it more now than I did before and I think that's due to in 2007 my brother was in Iraq at Christmas and so it was the only time that we weren't together for the holiday. (Other than a time that he went on a skiing trip when he was younger)

I remember going through that Christmas without him and knowing that he was in a war zone and praying that we never got the phone call that something had happened to him.  The holidays are always a difficult time for military families and I learned that first hand.  Even though I had uncles and a cousin who had served during Christmas previously it wasn't the same as my brother not being there Christmas Eve for the tradition of opening one present or Christmas morning to see my youngest brother get his first vehicle.   Chris was able to come home for Thanksgiving and we celebrated his Christmas with him then so we had our family picture but I'll tell you what. That next year was more special Christmas b/c he made it home safely and was there for those traditions.

So I tell my mom that I really am just happy to celebrate my holiday with the family b/c I am thankful that we are all together.  Though this will be the second year without my Mimi, I am still thankful that my Nanny is around and that I, my brothers, my sister, my mother, my father and my step father are all healthy enough that we can get together for Christmas.  This will also be the first year with my sister-in-law and my nephew (even though they were there last year, this time they HAVE to be! lol!).

While you're out shopping this holiday season and buying gifts for family and complaining about having to buy gifts. Remember that there are people out there who wish they had someone to buy a gift for and are missing their loved ones.  Also remember the real reason for the season and be thankful for your beautiful family b/c even though they may have faults, they are still your family.

Happy Holidays
Courtney

Don't Walk

Working downtown any time you walk anywhere and have to cross the street you have to wait for the appropriate sign to dictate when you can or cannot walk.  Well I'm the type of person (and I'm sure I'm not the only one) who crosses when it says Don't Walk. I mean I make sure no cars are coming of course but I really don't feel the need to stand there and wait for the Walk sign to flash when nothing is coming. 

So I'm the type of person who walks when they say don't walk.  There could be a deeper meaning to all this. I mean if we always did the things we were told to do then many things that have happened or things that people have accomplished wouldn't have happened. I know for me personally if I followed what my mom and most people would have wanted me to do when I was eighteen then I would probably divorced right now.  Let me explain.

After I graduated high school I started dating this guy.  He was a really good guy and I thought I really loved him.  But I really wanted to go to college.  So I chose to stay home and go to community college (not just for him but also because I didn't think I was ready). Partially giving in.  After two years of community college I decided to head to university.  My family was happy for me and so was my guy but I could tell that they secretly wanted me to stay and get married and start my life.  Instead I went off to college and followed what I wanted to do with my life.  Well while I was away at college....my guy decided that while the cat was away the mouse would play and played with my best friend at the time and some others.  But this is not the reason I would be divorced today had I gotten married when I was younger.  Had I gotten married then he wouldn't have cheated (or so I like to tell myself).  I would be divorced because he just wasn't man enough for me.  He really was a great guy and very polite and attentive, but that was part of the problem.  He was so attentive and needing to please that it got on my nerves and he had no back bone.  Anyone who knows me knows that I love to argue about anything and this just didn't work with him because he didn't argue back. So I would never have been able to live with that for long.  If I wouldn't have gone to college and discovered my own backbone then yeah I would be divorced.

That's not the only thing that I've bucked against but it's really all I can think of right now.  So think about it.  How many times have you done something without questioning why you are doing it or what it is you are doing?  How many times have you stood there when the sign said Don't Walk and nothing was coming?  Or do you Walk when nothings coming and the sign says Don't Walk?

Sickness

I haven't blogged in a while and there is a reason for it. Not a very good one, but a reason. The main reason is I've just been... I'll say it, lazy. I haven't really felt like getting on the computer at home. Once I get home, I am home and don't want to do anything. Not even cook. LOL!  There is also another reason. There is a really bad stomach virus going around. I mean REALLY bad and REALLY contagious. I thought I had done everything to guard myself against it and wasn't going to get it, even though my best friend/roommate and her entire family had it. I did really well until late Sunday night. I started feeling not so good but thought it would pass and I would be fine in the morning.

Not so! UGH. I woke up early Monday morning and felt so horrible. I've had stomach bugs before but nothing like this. It was bad!  Once I got over being sick Monday night I was sooooo weak. Like I had battled the flu or something.  I was still weak until yesterday. Today is actually the first day where I feel like myself again.  This virus really knocks you down and out. Be warned. If you get it stay AWAY from anyone and everyone. If you don't have it but know someone who does....invest in Lysol! I'm serious. You do not want this virus.

Anyway. So that's why I haven't blogged.

New Kids On The Block!

Sunday on ABC, the AMA's were aired. Everyone knows this and some were looking forward to it. I of course love watching award shows just for the outfits and performances, I don't really care for the AMAs or when wins cause in my opinion they are rigged and who wins shouldn't really win. But anyway I was especially looking forward to this years b/c one of the performers was a group that I have loved it seems like my ENTIRE life!  That's right NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK otherwise known as NKOTB!! MAN every time I hear that name I freak out and squeal like I'm 10 all over again. I LOVED them when I was growing up.  My childhood best friend and I used to walk around singing their songs and imaging marrying one of them(you know usual things). So when I heard that they joined forces with the Backstreet Boys and touring I was ecstatic...like THRILLED!!!  So I was completely looking forward to the AMAs this past Sunday for their performance. Man I was excited (and still am even though it's in the past) and of course I had to wait through the entire AMAs....yawn....other than Bon Jovi I was completely bored until the end.

When NKOTBSB hit the stage I swear I almost squealed! Lol!  I was jamming like I was a teenager again and it brought back soooooo many memories and with those memories a sadness.  You see my childhood best friend (one who had been my best friend for 20 years until some bad blood caused us to go our separate ways) died last year. The day after Christmas, the day before her 29th birthday.  She was on her way to the hospital to see her daughter who was in the NICU.  Before she died we had started talking again and reconnecting, nothing was ever going to be like it was before the bad blood but maybe we could be friends again.  When I heard that our favorite band from our childhood was touring I knew she was smiling down and doing a little dance too. I would have loved to go to another concert with her and her to bring her oldest daughter but alas she is gone. I would love to take her daughter myself but my friend's ex-husband and new wife won't let me have any contact with her daughter and this breaks my heart.  B/C I have stories about her mom that no one knows and things I think her daughter should know. 

So while I'm happy that NKOTB is touring again, I'm a little sad that the ONE person in the whole world who understands the importance of this event is no longer a part of this world.  So when I go to the concert ( and I'm determined to go) I'll think of her and our childhood.

Thanksgiving

The holiday is amoung us and let me tell you it has had me stressed! I'm not stressed b/c I have a whole lot of cooking to do or to help out doing, although I am contributing my pie to my mom's dinner. I'm stressing b/c ever since I was a little girl I have had multiple Thanksgivings and as I got older and started dating those Thanksgivings multiplied.  You see my parents divorced when I was young, like 5 or 6, and ever since then I have had to go back and forth depending on who's year it was.  When I started driving I had to go to both on the same day usually around the same time. Mom always did early lunch (say 11) and dad did mid lunch (say 1:30). Which if you're doing the math is not much time to let the first meal digest.  There is a positive to this, usually at Thanksgiving my mom will travel 3 hours to her mom's house and if this happens then I only have one dinner to go to and that is of course my grandmother's house with my mom.  Not b/c I don't love my dad but just b/c I get to see my grandmother and that whole side of the family (which is HUGE, my mom is one of 9!).

Well this year my mom can't afford to make the trip to my grandmother's house 3 hours away(which makes me sad b/c I really wanted to see her, guess I'll go one weekend before Christmas) so this means....you guessed it 2 Thanksgivings! And I have been stressing about this for MONTHS now. So much so that I have had a monster headache that no pain pill could cure (trust me I tried) until I talked to my mom yesterday. You see the real stresser is that my mom lives 2 1/2 hours from me now so I can't just go to her house then my dad's and back, if I go to her house, I'm there for the night.  And this is the second Thanksgiving without my Mimi (my dad's mom) so I want to be there. I feel I should mention this little side note, my parents don't get along and haven't since the divorce over 20 years ago....so hence my stress. I want to be with both of them and please both of them b/c I geniunely love them.  If I go to my dad's I can see my sister who is a Freshman at the University of Southern Mississippi and if I go to my mom's I can see my brother who is a Senior in high school.  So what to do, especially when dad tells me lunch is at 1:30.

Very calmly last week I asked my mom if we could do dinner instead of lunch (this would allow me to go to dad's and travel to her house to spend the night) and I got a response of...sure....now I know I'm reading more into this response b/c I think my mom is upset (I have a huge problem with doing this) so I start to freak out and panic.  Well I really shouldn't have b/c when my mom said "sure" she really meant "sure, that's cool with me". Whew!!!

I talked to mom yesterday and she is perfectly happy with doing dinner and totally excited that myself, my sister-in-law and my brother will all be spending the night with her, even if it's just one night.  So this revelation has lifted a HUGE burden off of my shoulders that I didn't realize I had placed there. Not my parents but myself! By focusing so much on what would please them I didn't realize that just my presence there would please them.  As long as I'm there, they don't care who I see first.  Wow.  So now my headache has subsided and I'm actually looking forward to Thanksgiving.

I have much to be thankful for and I give thanks for it everyday, but this year will be different.

Happy Thanksgiving
Courtney :)

Breathe

This is something I wrote a couple of years ago while my brother was in Iraq.....thought I'd share it.

I

t always surprises me when things happen out of the blue whether they are for the good or bad it still gets to me. Take for instance recently I was worried about a ton of things and completely stressed out. I was so stressed out that for the first time in over 2 years my cycle was off schedule. I was stressed about taking final exams, and then stressed about what my grades would be, then stressed about work, and then about finding another place to live. And on top of that stress I was still stressed about my brother, so I ask you how in the heck did I make it through all that stress to where I am right now without some heavy drinking?  Well let me tell you what I think happened….I just gave up, I told myself not to worry about it that things would work out and everything would fall into place. And miraculously enough things DID fall into place. A couple of days after my finals my roommate and I signed a lease on a new house, I passed BOTH finals and got a B+ in both classes.  My work started to become more organized and less chaotic and my brother is coming home!

I

 know growing up your parents always tell you to put faith in God and that He will get you through it. You know that famous saying “If God brings you to it, He’ll bring you through it”. Well I was chanting that saying for over a month and eventually I began to believe it and the worry just seemed to drop from my shoulders. Of course I’m still worried but not nearly as much as I was before and it is just an amazing feeling. To walk outside on a beautiful day and realized that I have NOTHING to do but enjoy God’s beauty and I find that so amazing and something that I think everyone should try.  One beautiful summer day just walk outside and breathe (of course if you’re in the South that may be difficult depending on the humidity).  I can honestly say that there is nothing that I have experienced yet so rewarding as walking outside on a beautiful summer day and just standing there and enjoying God’s beauty.  Or better yet taking a drive and see His beauty.

R

ecently my friends and I drove to Nashville, TN to celebrate my birthday and that was possibly one of the most beautiful drives ever.  We live in Mississippi so we headed north and passed all of this beautiful hill country and it just took my breath away. The drive was so peaceful that once we got outside of Nashville we started looking at the clouds and tried to guess what they looked like. Ya’ll we are grown women and we did this!! It felt so great to just act like a kid again and I think that as adults we forget how to just have fun. Now I know many adults who have fun but they need some kind of influence to have fun or money to spend to have fun.  Having fun like a kid can be free, all you need is your imagination and the world is your play ground.

T

his is probably one of the things wrong with our country today (among many other things). We have forgotten how to have fun and we have forgotten what is really important in life.  Instead of having fun we rush through the day trying to be better, make more money, sale more things, buy more things, be more, experience more, work more….just more and in all it is killing us.  It may sound corny but we have forgotten how to stop and smell the roses and until we learn to stand back and just breathe then our nation will continue to just float away from us.

I

’m not a big religious person, but I am becoming more and more spiritual. Heck at my age as a woman in the South you can’t be single and not have some sort of spirituality otherwise you’ll go crazy! Especially when you start noticing people younger than you having their 2^nd child! I mean that will really knock you for a loop if you don’t have something spiritual to remind you that God has a plan for you and that everything happens for a reason.  It’s times like these when I have to keep reminding myself that I should just let the cards fall where they may but I mean man that is tough!  Being single in Mississippi is rare! There are not that many people who are my age that are single let alone single men! And it’s times like that when I tell myself that I should have stayed in Texas at least then the odds are in my favor! Lol! but seriously it gets really tiring telling myself that there is someone out there for me and God is going to bring us together when He feels like I’m ready, b/c all I can think is that I’m ready now! Shoot I’m not getting any younger!

S

ee this is an instance where I have to tell myself to just Breathe! So when you feel life is starting to get to complicated and you see yourself envying other people for what they have and what you don’t have, just take a step back and breathe. Remind yourself of all the good things you have in your life b/c no matter how crappy you think things are, there is ALWAYS something good. Whether it be kids, a pet, a place to live, food, clothes on your back, food in your pantry, a job, a car, or whatever. You have something that not everyone has you have something that no one has so just be thankful and give thanks to whatever God you believe in, because not everyone has one or all of those things. But everyone has one thing in common and that is the ability to Breathe!

New Dessert

Ok so every year at work for Thanksgiving we have a Pot Luck Lunch and everyone is asked to sign up to bring something and the boss buys the turkey and dressing.  In the past I have brought cream cheese pies which are AMAZING and take no time at all to make.  Well this year I decided to do something different and looked up recipes online and found one that I thought would be soooo yummy its called Mile High Peanut Butter-Brownie Pie! YUM!  I found it here....http://www.pillsburybaking.com/Recipes/Details.aspx?recipeID=5258&mealtype=32

Anyway, it took like no time to bake it and I am so excited to taste it. I have gotten great reviews on the look and have people's mouth's drooling so we will see. The lunch is today and will probably start around 11. Can't wait. 

Here are some pictures of my creation (I changed it up some, but not much)

Courtney :)


Ok so lunch is complete and my pie is GONE!!! I mean it was gone QUICK! I barely got a piece of it. I will tell you that it is absolutely delicious!! I have given the recipe to at least 4 people so far. YUM!! I strongly recommend this dessert!

Name change

Yeah I know I keep changing the name of the blog but I can't seem to find a name that I like. I promise this should be the last time that it's changed.....lol well I'll try to stick with this one. ;)

What I'm Reading

    OK so I love to read and I mostly read romance novels cause let's face it, with me being single there really isn't a lot of romance going on in my life.  So recently I decided to take a step out of my comfort zone and read something that is not about romance (shock and awe!!).  I am currently reading The Help by Kathryn Stockett.  You see Kathryn is from Jackson, MS, I'm from Jackson, MS and they have recently begun filming the movie(which the producers are from Jackson, MS) and just filmed in Jackson, MS.  So I thought I would read the book that was making so much noise in my hometown.  The Help is based in 1962 Jackson, Mississippi and it's about 3 women in the South on the precipice of the Civil Rights Movement.  Two of the three women are maids and the other is a recent graduate from the University of Mississippi. 

    I have to admit that I haven't gotten very far in the book and not because it's not a good read but b/c I just haven't had time to read recently.  However, from what I have read I have thoroughly enjoyed. Ms. Stockett writes the novel from each characters point of view and found a way to write a true southern accent.  When you're reading it you can't help but read the accent and even feel some of that twang.  I have just gotten to the part told from Skeeter's point of view (Skeeter is the graduate of Ole Miss) and I have to tell you that some of the things I am reading are disturbing to read and I think they are made more disturbing because I know that those things actually happened.  Anyway, as I read it I'll keep you up to date on what is going on. 

    I don't have the book in front of me so I can't properly introduce the characters but I will tell you that Ms. Stockett does an amazing job with introducing these characters and weaving them together.  I found myself many times picturing the places she was describing and transporting back to that time.  So far it is a very good read. 

   Stay tuned.

   Courtney

Office renovation

Ok so a few days ago I wrote that I was getting my office painted which was about time considering the jail look of it all. Well not only did I get it painted but I got a new desk too!! SWEET! We are in the process of moving people around to make it more efficent and they needed someone else's desk to help with the flow and she wanted my desk so I got a new never been used desk!! SO SWEET! (Sometimes this place is AWESOME!). Anyway, I LOVE the new look it is so peaceful looking and feeling. If I could get the lightbulbs replaced and make it brighter so I'm not straining my eyes, it would be perfect! I even got an Ole Miss Legacy picture from the boss' office and another beautiful painting. I gotta tell you, I love it! It makes coming to work that much easier. Now if I could just wake up in the morning and leave when I'm supposed to I would be golden! 

Here are some pictures of my redone office!!


Looking in




Looking out




The beautiful painting(the Statue of Liberty is reflectedi n the window)



Nothing

So yeah I have nothing today. Don't know why but just really kinda blah....it has been one hell of a week. Not stress wise but just a lot has been going on and I've just been lazy all week. So I guess I just need to step out and get my butt into gear. Don't really want to and I think that has a lot to do with the dimness in my office. Like some of the lights aren't working and it's really dim and I'm having to strain my eyes to see anything. Which is terribly frustrating. Ugh. Could explain why I don't want to be in the office b/c it hurts my eyes. AND what makes it worse is I volunteered to come in this weekend and help out with a project on Saturday and Sunday. I'm such a good employee. LOL! oh well. Time to get back to work, just thought I'd pass along that little rant.

Later! Court

Veterans Day

    In my family there are many veterans. When I say many, I literally mean many. We can trace our ancestry through every war fought in America and probably even those during colonial times.  I have had a relative fight in every battle since the American Revolution and I can't even begin to describe to you what that feels like.  I feel honored to be a part of such a wonderful and honorable lineage.  My grandfathers both fought in WWII and the Korean Conflict, my dad served in Vietnam, my uncle served in the Gulf War and that same uncle was in Iraq in 2003 when the U.S. rushed to Baghdad.  I had another uncle serve in Iraq and then retire at the ripe old age of 60 (if he heard that he'd laugh in my face!).  I also had a cousin who served two tours in Iraq and my very own younger brother served in Iraq (I have to tell you there is nothing more stressful than knowing that your baby brother is in another country fighting in a war and knowing that you could lose him and you can't protect him from the bullets or the things he will see).  So when it comes to Veterans I have a HUGE amount of respect for the job that they have done and the things they have experienced. 
    So on this Veterans Day I'll not only be thinking of the thousands of veterans serving our country today or in the past but I'll also be thinking about those very dear to my heart.  Veterans are a unique breed and have an amount of courage that is not seen in many people.  They are also amoung an elite group (in my opinion) and deserve more than just one day of recognition.  Every day that we have free is a day in which we should thank a Veteran.  Our Veterans are taking what Voltaire said literally..."I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it"
    On November 11, 2010 when you wake up and I have the freedom to do as you please, thank a Veteran.

Office

So I'm getting my office painted today. Which I think is awesome considering I've been in this office for almost 4 years and it looks like a jail cell. Maybe that's the reason I have so much trouble coming in to work?? lol! The thing is my office is so small that the painters are going to have to paint one or two walls and then move everything to that side of the office to paint the other walls! which is just crazy! I think b/c my desk is so big they are gonna have TROUBLE painting the wall next to my desk.  I'll try and post some pics of the desk in question. I really hope the color turns out pretty. I can't stand to stare at these white walls anymore (which is why they are usually COVERED with pictures). Guess we'll wait and see. Right now they are painting the boss' office so they probably won't get to mine until tomorrow.  ugh!

Family History

   So the attorney I work for is going to speak at a local chapter of DAR, that's Daughter's of the American Revolution, and it got me to thinking. I know I have an ancestor, probably more, who fought in the American Revolution so why haven't I tried to find them and join this amazing group.  Well b/c I'm thinking this I figure I'll do some research and ask my dad to help me out. And I will heck my dad's the one that has done all kinds of research on his dad's side of the family and is now working on my grandmother's side. 
   Finding out where you come from is so interesting to me. I mean to personally know where you ancestors are from and what kind of blood flows through your veins is just amazing. I know some people don't really care or they don't have the resources to look for the ancestors which is really a shame b/c I think everyone should know where they stem from and where their families have been no matter who they are or what they do.  There are websites that one can research and find this information out on but in order to do so you have to pay money (which I understand helps maintain the site and pay the researchers and yada yada) but there should be some way to help those less fortunate find out about their personal history. Its just a thought b/c I personally can't afford to do the research on my family right now which is why I am relying on my dad.
   Anyway, I figure that joining DAR will give me contacts that I would never have otherwise and maybe open some doors for me teaching wise.  It'll be interesting to see. Gotta get on the horn to dad! :)

Hotty Toddy!
Court :)

Bullying/Depression

   You know I don't understand bullying. I mean I know what it is, I was bullied when I was younger, or made fun of I should say.  What I mean is I don't understand why certain children and even adults feel the need to bully others.  Is this need ingrained in them from their parents? Do they need to bully others to feel better about themselves? See this is what I don't understand, how can putting someone else down make you feel better? The sad thing is, this happens everyday and everywhere and in some cases is completely overlooked. Children are picked on b/c they are different, whether it be because they look different, behave differently, speak differently or are just the new kid in school. So how do we fix this problem that has been around for decades and is rapidly growing?
    I understand what it's like to be the new kid at school and not fit in. When I was in the sixth grade my family moved from Jackson, MS to Byram, MS which is a suburb of Jackson.  This was a HUGE change for me b/c I had gone to the same school with the same kids my whole life. Those kids lived around the corner from me so I was so out of place at my new school.  My step-dad moved us from Jackson because it was becoming too dangerous and I understood at the time and today why he did it but it didn't make starting at a new school any better.  I was a straight A student at my junior high (Chastain Jr. High) then we moved and I went to a school that had 5th graders and 12th graders something I had never seen before.  All I wanted to do was fit in and thought it would just happen b/c that's how it was at my other school. Y'all when I was in grade school and that first year of junior high I was extremely popular and everyone knew me, including the teachers.  So it was a complete shock to me when I moved to this new school and NO ONE liked me. I struggled to fit in and the teachers didn't know me or take the time to get to know me ( I only had 3 whereas at Chastain I had 7) so the changes just kept coming.
     I think the hardest thing for me to get a grip on was one of my teacher's attitude towards me, she was rude and demeaning made no effort to help me in any way.  My first week in class I had to find out what bus to ride in order to get home and she didn't help me.  I ended up not knowing and didn't have a way to get home so I had to WALK home along a VERY busy road. Let me tell you that when I got home and went back to school the next day that teacher knew who I was then.  It was extremly embarassing and terrifying.  From that day forward the teacher treated me differently and it was something that I will never forget.
     Anyway as my days continued at my new school things began to get better and even improve. I made friends and hung out with those friends until high school (why is it that everything changes in high school?) Unbeknownst to me my "friends" were talking about me behind my back and not inviting me to parties and whatever 9th graders do.  I got severely depressed in the 9th grade. I got to the point to where I actually planned out my suicide on a daily basis and I knew how to do it properly unlike my cousin.  You see my cousin and I hung out a lot growing up b/c we were close in age and we were always there for each other.  During the same time I was suffering from depression, my cousin was suffering as well and had already attempted suicide a couple of times. You see he is gay and was being picked on for being different. (I didn't know this at the time and have since learned this) So I knew from his failed attempts what needed to be done.  I had a really bad day at school one day and was feeling REALLY down in the dumps and figured this is it, this is the day. I was laying in bed planning it out, had the knife beside me, my mom was at work, stepdad was asleep, Chris (my brother) was outside and Brandon (my youngest brother) was at daycare. So there was really no one there to stop me or catch me until it was too late.  I consigned myself to the fact that no one would notice and when they did no one would care. As I sat up to start I heard my mother come home early and Brandon (my baby brother who was 3 at the time) burst into my room with his chubby cheeks and looked at me and "Mone sissy, we go to bubba's soccer" (in the voice that only a 3 year old could do) and I told him that I wasn't going and that they should go ahead (this was perfect in my eyes, now no one would be there). But Brandon, being Brandon jumped on my bed and got in my face and said "pwease, I want you dere" he was so sincere with his plea and had the cutest face that I couldn't turn him down. I thought to myself "how can I do this to this little boy who I love so much and who clearly needs me?" I couldn't do it.  So I got up and I went to soccer practice with them and I never revisited the idea again. I've never told Brandon this but he saved my life that day.
     I know that there are many people out there that say if I truly intended to do then nothing would have stopped me and you may be right. But what I say is that God sent the one person He knew I couldn't say No to into my room that day.  I say this because the next summer I went on an out of state trip with the youth group and as I was sitting in the church and we were praying and having a moment of silence I saw Jesus and was born again. It was the most amazing experience in my life. And since that time I have been content in my life (of course I have a natural tendency to want more) and a trust in God that I know everything will work out. 
     Now you're asking what does this have to do with bullying. Well as I continued through high school I was still talked about but I didn't really care because I had found a strength inside myself that mattered more than what those people were saying.  Yeah the words/actions still stung but I didn't let it get to me. I had my moments but when the comments started coming from those younger than me it became easier to let it slide b/c my peers began to understand me and stopped talking about me. Sure I was never physically bullied or picked on, but I think being ignored and the behind your back talking tears down a kids self esteem and is a form of bullying.
     So how do we fix it? Well we draw attention to it and make it known that we as a society and as human beings will not stand for it.  We don't ignore those kids that say they are being bullied and that starts at school.  Parents also need to pay attention when their kids say they are being bullied and let their kids know early on that they can come to them to talk.  Even then those kids may not want to talk to their parents and we need to find a way to let them know that there are people to talk to and support groups.  We just have to get the word out to stop bullying and that we aren't going to put up with it anymore.  There are groups out there and the movement is rising we just have to keep it up.
    Anyway, that's just my two cents on it.

    Court :)

Nerd

See this book.....I would LOVE to own this book (which I think just shows my nerdiness but I don't really care) I'm going to get this book one day when I have the money b/c yes this book is EXPENSIVE. On amazon.com right now a new copy is $195.00 a used copy starts at $155.39 but I think it is so worth it.  http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1851096000/sr=1-1/qid=1256233662/ref=olp_product_details?ie=UTF8&me=&qid=1256233662&sr=1-1&seller=

I love reading about history, especially southern history. The Civil War is what I want to eventually focus on when I go to get my Ph.D. just b/c I find it so fascinating. I love to read about people's lives during that time and what they found important enough to right about while a war was going on. It is just absolutely amazing. Even looking at what they went through makes what we are going through today seem like not much at all.  Anyway, this book along with a slew of others is on my wishlist that will expand my ever growing history book collection. Ha! True History nerd to the core! 

P.S. I'm also a Political Science nerd just not as much as history! :)

Have a GREAT day!
Court :)

Stress

     Ok so I don't have kids. Well I don't have human kids but I consider my puppy and my best friend's puppy my kids. I mean they are my kids. I spoil them and take care of them they way I would a human kid so I consider them my kids. And just like any mom, I freaked out when my fur baby, Beau, was sick yesterday. I mean I seriously freaked out. He woke up and threw up which is concerning considering he's done this quite a few times recently and he's only 5 pounds.  I guess b/c he's done it so much recently I didn't think twice about it and went ahead and took him outside without checking his gums or his tummy. Well while he was outside he was trying to throw up and in the process just fell over like someone had tipped him over. I FREAKED out!!! I mean I panicked b/c I had no clue what could've caused this and my first thought was he was having a seizure and this caused my heart to stop. I got him inside along with Jamie and I fed Jamie but Beau wouldn't eat (now I know why) and this really freaked me out so I fed him the food myself. Then I gave him Nutracal (which is really just Karo syrup for dogs with low blood sugar), water and carrots.    
      Well b/c he was eating that stuff and didn't throw up again, I didn't think anything about constipation. I was worried sick. Stayed home from work to watch him and make sure that he didn't have a seizure, googled his symptoms to see if I could diagnose him b/c I really didn't have the money to take him to the vet.  Well just as I was relaxing, he threw up twice and this time it stank and I said screw it and took him to the vet. Well once we got to the vet they tried to take his temperature (rectal) and hit something solid.  They suspected he was constipated but with my dog you never know b/c if he can get to it he will try to eat it. But b/c they couldn't be sure they did xrays (hello expensive!) and found that he was indeed backed up. I mean severely backed up. Which I don't understand b/c he has been going to the bathroom. I guess it just built up and built up. Anyway, they gave him an enema ( I know right!) and we had to wait until he went.  They gave him some medicine for throwing up and sent us home.
      So I went through all that to tell you that I feel like such an idiot b/c I know how to deal with constipation in puppies, Jamie's been through it. It just never occurred to me that this was Beau's problem. And since he can't really tell me that his tummy hurts I just didn't pay attention to it and that makes me feel twice as bad. I love this puppy as if I gave birth to him. I mean we plan where to stay on vacations on whether or not the hotel is puppy friendly or not.  He is my kid and I feel like I have failed up by letting it get this bad. And if I'm this bad about a puppy being sick how in the heck am I going to be once I have kids!!! Holy Cow!

Colonel not exactly a longtime tradition-By Rick Cleveland

Came across this article/blog in the ClarionLedger today and figured I'd share it. Rick Cleveland did a great job in this article and I couldn't agree more. http://orig.clarionledger.com/news/0306/19/srick.html

By Rick Cleveland
rcleveland@clarionledger.com
So, you think Colonel Rebel, the ill-fated University of Mississippi mascot, is a long-standing Ole Miss tradition, of a similar vintage to those stately oaks in The Grove?
Wrong. Jackson lawyer Jeff Hubbard was the original Colonel Rebel mascot. Hubbard first donned that huge, mustachioed head, with the wide-brimmed hat, all the way back in 1979.
"It was when sideline mascots were really coming into vogue both in college sports and the pros," Hubbard says by telephone from his Jackson office. "Everybody was going to a mascot that was sort of a caricature of the team's nickname."
In other words, it was late 20th century. Old traditions are said to die hard. How about relatively new ones?
"I'm torn about this," Hubbard says. "I represent eight professional mascots. I'm negotiating the contract for the Sacramento Kings' (NBA) mascot this week. Really good mascots add a lot.
"And I enjoyed my time as Colonel Rebel," Hubbard continues. "It wasn't about the Confederacy; it was about Ole Miss. At the same time, I know other schools use it against us in recruiting. It's a shame.
"Bottom line: I'm for what's best for Ole Miss. I trust Robert Khayat and Pete Boone to do what's best for the university."
Khayat, Ole Miss chancellor, and Boone, the athletic director, want to put the Confederacy and the 19th century behind them and move forward into the 21st century. Ole Miss coaches have said for years that Old South symbols, such as the Confederate battle flag, the song Dixie and Colonel Rebel, have hurt them in the recruitment of African-American athletes.
But, get this: The model for the original Colonel Rebel emblem was a black man, Blind Jim Ivy, a campus fixture for years until he died in 1955.
Historian David Sansing documents that little known fact in his splendid history of Ole Miss.
"Is that not irony?" Sansing says from his Oxford home. "If you look at the photo of Blind Jim in the three-piece suit, with the hat, there's a striking resemblance. The original Colonel Rebel emblem is a spitting image of Blind Jim Ivy, except for white skin."
Ivy attended most Ole Miss athletic events and was fond of saying, "I've never seen Ole Miss lose." Ivy was very much a part of the Ole Miss scene in 1936. That was the year Billy Gates, editor of the school newspaper, proposed a contest to produce a new nickname for Ole Miss teams, which were then known as The Flood.
Rebels was one of five entries submitted to a panel of sports writers. Of 42 newsmen contacted, 21 responded and 'Rebels' was the choice of 18. That's how The Flood became the Rebels. Two years later, Colonel Rebel appeared for the first time as an illustration in the university yearbook. It would be 41 more years before Colonel Rebel appeared on the sidelines.
"The closest we had before that was a cheerleader, with a microphone, dressed in a Confederate Army uniform," Jeff Hubbard says.
UM loyalty, not mascot
Gates would become the Ole Miss sports information director, whose job it was to publicize John Vaught's nationally renowned football teams. Gates died years ago, but his son, Bill Gates, continues the family's Ole Miss tradition. Gates, who lives in Memphis, is a diehard Rebel fan and a past president of Memphis-area Ole Miss alumni.
"Obviously, I'm steeped in Ole Miss traditions," Bill Gates says. "It was my daddy's idea to come up with the new nickname, so in a way he was responsible for Colonel Rebel. I can appreciate the feelings a lot of alumni and fans have for Colonel Rebel. At the same time, I'm for whatever will move Ole Miss forward. You can't tie one arm behind Deuce McAllister's back and expect him not to fumble. Well, you can't tie one hand behind our coaches' backs and expect them to win championships.
"Personally," Gates continues, "I'd rather have no mascot in Atlanta for the SEC championship game than have Colonel Rebel in Shreveport for the Independence Bowl."
Many, many others, including so many letter writers to this newspaper, disagree. They say they prefer tradition to political correctness. They believe if Colonel Rebel dies this year, the nickname Rebels may soon follow.
Sansing, on the other hand, points to universities that have successfully changed mascots and flourished, citing Stanford and Southern Miss as examples.
Stanford changed from Indians to the Cardinal. USM went from Southerners to Golden Eagles in 1972 and did away with a mascot called General Nat, named for Confederate general Nathan Bedford Forrest, founder of the Ku Klux Klan.
"I don't think there's any question that Southern is better off for the change," Sansing says.
Sansing, known to friends as the Emperor of the South End Zone, proudly cheers his Rebels.
"I love Ole Miss, but I cheer for the team; I cheer for the university," Sansing says. "People who are loyal to Ole Miss are loyal to the university, not some funny looking, little Civil War character."
Sansing is a wise, thoughtful man, who loves Ole Miss dearly. I bow to the Emperor on this one.