You know I don't understand bullying. I mean I know what it is, I was bullied when I was younger, or made fun of I should say. What I mean is I don't understand why certain children and even adults feel the need to bully others. Is this need ingrained in them from their parents? Do they need to bully others to feel better about themselves? See this is what I don't understand, how can putting someone else down make you feel better? The sad thing is, this happens everyday and everywhere and in some cases is completely overlooked. Children are picked on b/c they are different, whether it be because they look different, behave differently, speak differently or are just the new kid in school. So how do we fix this problem that has been around for decades and is rapidly growing?
I understand what it's like to be the new kid at school and not fit in. When I was in the sixth grade my family moved from Jackson, MS to Byram, MS which is a suburb of Jackson. This was a HUGE change for me b/c I had gone to the same school with the same kids my whole life. Those kids lived around the corner from me so I was so out of place at my new school. My step-dad moved us from Jackson because it was becoming too dangerous and I understood at the time and today why he did it but it didn't make starting at a new school any better. I was a straight A student at my junior high (Chastain Jr. High) then we moved and I went to a school that had 5th graders and 12th graders something I had never seen before. All I wanted to do was fit in and thought it would just happen b/c that's how it was at my other school. Y'all when I was in grade school and that first year of junior high I was extremely popular and everyone knew me, including the teachers. So it was a complete shock to me when I moved to this new school and NO ONE liked me. I struggled to fit in and the teachers didn't know me or take the time to get to know me ( I only had 3 whereas at Chastain I had 7) so the changes just kept coming.
I think the hardest thing for me to get a grip on was one of my teacher's attitude towards me, she was rude and demeaning made no effort to help me in any way. My first week in class I had to find out what bus to ride in order to get home and she didn't help me. I ended up not knowing and didn't have a way to get home so I had to WALK home along a VERY busy road. Let me tell you that when I got home and went back to school the next day that teacher knew who I was then. It was extremly embarassing and terrifying. From that day forward the teacher treated me differently and it was something that I will never forget.
Anyway as my days continued at my new school things began to get better and even improve. I made friends and hung out with those friends until high school (why is it that everything changes in high school?) Unbeknownst to me my "friends" were talking about me behind my back and not inviting me to parties and whatever 9th graders do. I got severely depressed in the 9th grade. I got to the point to where I actually planned out my suicide on a daily basis and I knew how to do it properly unlike my cousin. You see my cousin and I hung out a lot growing up b/c we were close in age and we were always there for each other. During the same time I was suffering from depression, my cousin was suffering as well and had already attempted suicide a couple of times. You see he is gay and was being picked on for being different. (I didn't know this at the time and have since learned this) So I knew from his failed attempts what needed to be done. I had a really bad day at school one day and was feeling REALLY down in the dumps and figured this is it, this is the day. I was laying in bed planning it out, had the knife beside me, my mom was at work, stepdad was asleep, Chris (my brother) was outside and Brandon (my youngest brother) was at daycare. So there was really no one there to stop me or catch me until it was too late. I consigned myself to the fact that no one would notice and when they did no one would care. As I sat up to start I heard my mother come home early and Brandon (my baby brother who was 3 at the time) burst into my room with his chubby cheeks and looked at me and "Mone sissy, we go to bubba's soccer" (in the voice that only a 3 year old could do) and I told him that I wasn't going and that they should go ahead (this was perfect in my eyes, now no one would be there). But Brandon, being Brandon jumped on my bed and got in my face and said "pwease, I want you dere" he was so sincere with his plea and had the cutest face that I couldn't turn him down. I thought to myself "how can I do this to this little boy who I love so much and who clearly needs me?" I couldn't do it. So I got up and I went to soccer practice with them and I never revisited the idea again. I've never told Brandon this but he saved my life that day.
I know that there are many people out there that say if I truly intended to do then nothing would have stopped me and you may be right. But what I say is that God sent the one person He knew I couldn't say No to into my room that day. I say this because the next summer I went on an out of state trip with the youth group and as I was sitting in the church and we were praying and having a moment of silence I saw Jesus and was born again. It was the most amazing experience in my life. And since that time I have been content in my life (of course I have a natural tendency to want more) and a trust in God that I know everything will work out.
Now you're asking what does this have to do with bullying. Well as I continued through high school I was still talked about but I didn't really care because I had found a strength inside myself that mattered more than what those people were saying. Yeah the words/actions still stung but I didn't let it get to me. I had my moments but when the comments started coming from those younger than me it became easier to let it slide b/c my peers began to understand me and stopped talking about me. Sure I was never physically bullied or picked on, but I think being ignored and the behind your back talking tears down a kids self esteem and is a form of bullying.
So how do we fix it? Well we draw attention to it and make it known that we as a society and as human beings will not stand for it. We don't ignore those kids that say they are being bullied and that starts at school. Parents also need to pay attention when their kids say they are being bullied and let their kids know early on that they can come to them to talk. Even then those kids may not want to talk to their parents and we need to find a way to let them know that there are people to talk to and support groups. We just have to get the word out to stop bullying and that we aren't going to put up with it anymore. There are groups out there and the movement is rising we just have to keep it up.
Anyway, that's just my two cents on it.
Court :)
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