Worried Parents

I know I worry my parents.  I mean if they didn’t worry about me then I would be worried about them.  I know it’s natural for parents to worry about their children.  I don’t have children so I don’t fully understand the worry but I know it’s natural.  In my case I am single with no prospects (and I haven’t had any prospects recently) so naturally my parents worry about me. They worry that I’m never going to find someone to share my life with, of course they don’t tell me this but I know it’s there.  My mom I think worries about that more than my dad and step dad.  I think it is more natural for moms to want their daughters married and having a family. And I do want to get married and have a family, I’m just scared b/c I’ve been hurt before.  I try to explain that to my mom, that getting out there is really scary and I think she’s finally got it and just wants me to be happy. 

After I graduated college my mom and I had an argument about where I was in my life compared to where she was in hers at my age.  You see when I graduated from college I was 22, well 21 but turned 22 the next week, and when my mother was 21/22 she was married and had me when she was 23.  She was telling me that I needed to be married b/c she had been married when she was my age.  Of course being the young 22 year old that I was and a recent graduate on top of that I threw in her face that while she had been married at my age, I had a college education and wasn’t that more important to her than being married and having kids.  Like I said I was smart but not when it came to common sense in some areas.  Of course my mom was proud of me for graduating college and doing something she hadn’t done (she may have even been a little bitter about it) but that didn’t mean that she didn’t want me to experience motherhood and being a wife.  Needless to say we had it out about it with my step dad taking my side and saying that there was no need for me to rush into marriage and family and that when I met the right person I would know.   For a long time this didn’t work for my mom b/c she came from the school of thought that a woman needed a man to protect her and take care of her and I can respect that but that wasn’t the kind of life I wanted for myself.  I didn’t, and still don’t, want a life where I had to rely on a man to take care of things. 

So to prove to myself, my mom and even both of my dads that I could take care of myself I moved out of Mississippi.  My best friend, a college roommate, and myself decided to pack our things and move to Fort Worth, Texas. Why? Well because Texas has cowboys and we always wanted a cowboy and I just needed to get out of Mississippi.  So I applied to graduate schools in the Fort Worth area, got accepted on my 24^th birthday and by that June we were packed and moved to Fort Worth. Man that was an adventure! But that’s for another day.  I remember telling my dad that I was moving and he was happy for me, told me that I needed to do this to experience life.  My dad never really seems to be worried about me, I don’t know if that’s because he just has that much faith in me to do the right things and be careful, or if it’s just Faith.  But he encouraged it and told me to call him weekly and check in (showing his worry there).  My step dad gave me some money, hugged me, told me to be careful and he would miss me and told me he loved me (we’ve had a rough relationship, mainly b/c I was a rebellious young teenager and he was the enforcer but then we got passed it so this meant a lot to me).  My mom was a different story.  I saw the worry on her face and heard it in her voice every time I talked to her.  I don’t think she was worried that I would fail; she had too much faith in me for that, I think she was worried that I would finally meet that someone out in Texas and I wouldn’t be home.  I think she was worried that I was going to grow up and not need her anymore.  Maybe that’s every parent’s worry, that their kids will grow up and no longer need them anymore. 

To make a long story short, I got to Texas, met some guys and realized that I missed my family too much and figured I had proved to myself that I could make it on my own and I didn’t need to rely solely on my parents or a man to make it in life but that it would be nice to have a little back up.  So I moved back home.  I had too much going on in my family to be 6 hours away from them.  I think I realized this during Katrina when I couldn’t get in touch with them and I didn’t know what was going on.  I didn’t like that feeling one bit or the feeling of not being able to help them b/c I was so far away.  Then my brother joined the National Guard and got activated to go to Iraq and my grandmother’s health started quickly declining.  There was just too much going on here for me to be in Texas.  My family needed me and I was experiencing some of that worry. So I moved home a different woman, a more confident woman.  I had some more blow ups with my mom, mainly both of us trying to come to grips with me growing up and becoming an adult.  We’ve since worked it out and my mom tells me on a daily basis how much she loves me and trusts me to make the right decisions.  She also tells me not to rush into any relationship and that when the right man comes along, I’ll know.  Seems she finally got the memo.  Now I know she still worries about me, I hear it in her voice but when she worries, she’s worrying about my safety when I’m driving home from her house or from work.  She’s worrying about my general well being.  She’s being a mom.

Now I’m trying to take anything away from my dad or my step dad. I know they too worry about my general well being and my safety. Because that’s just what dad’s do.  Dad’s check your tires, make sure your car is running properly and make sure you have enough money.

Bottom line? I love my parents more than words can express.  They may drive me crazy (and they may be crazy) but they’re mine and I love ‘em!

Much love! Courtney

P.S. God doesn't give you the people you want, He gives you the people you NEED: To help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you into the person you were meant to be.