Someone please explain to me how I grew up surrounded by the men in my family and turned out the way I did? I mean seriously. I don't really understand it. My brother and I were raised in the same household with the same mother and father. He saw how our father was and we both experienced it. Then when our parents got divorced and my mom married my step dad he saw how different he was. We have both been there with our father when were the center of his world cause we were his kids and we have both been there when a woman came into the picture and we were pushed to the background of his world. We were both raised by a woman who needed a strong man in her life and was blessed to find one in our step dad. This same woman who when each of her children do something is ALWAYS on the sidelines of our life cheering us on, no matter what it was. Whether it was EVERY Friday night at football games for me ( I was in the band..woot) or when I went to college every Thursday night at those football games. Or out at the ballpark for baseball and softball for me and my brothers. She was there cheering us on and BRAGGING to other people about how talented her kids were. Or when my brother went to Iraq, she was there praying for him, loving him, worrying about him. While our father (not my stepdad) wasn't there for those football games or baseball/softball games cheering us on. But he was there when my brother went to Iraq cause that was honorable and something big to brag about.
This is not to bash my dad, but to vent some frustration I'm feeling right now and have been feeling a lot lately and I need a place to let off some steam. I love my dad, I just don't always like him. Same goes for my brother and even my mother. I love them all the time, but I don't always like them. (and I hope they can say the same for me cause I KNOW I do some stuff that they don't always like ;) )
Let me start with the root of my frustration and how this all began and is spreading like wild fire. So I had a birthday last month, turned the big 30!! (woo hoo!) Now I wasn't asking for any big presents cause I mean come on with this economy....anyway, I was just asking for some recognition that this was a big day for me, I mean 30 is a BIG milestone a BIG birthday and considering what happened on my 29th, I'm sorry but I expected at least the same on this one....(last year my dad did a birthday dinner for me with a cake and yeah presents). What do I get I ask you??? Flowers from my dad, tons of text messages, birthday dinner and a cake from my best friend and her family, an emerald tennis bracelet from my best friend. No birthday dinner from my dad (he said it was b/c he didn't have the money
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
The Help
The Help
In a previous post I wrote that I was reading The Help and that once I finished I would get back. Well guess what! I finished it. Once I past a certain point in the book I couldn’t seem to put it down. Even though the story is fiction (and the author makes a note in her own words at the end of the book to make it known to the reader) it could just as well be true. Anyone who has grown up in the South and studied the region has read about life in the 1950s and 1960s and how drastic things got. As I was reading the book I got angry and some of the things that she was writing about, not at the author, but at the fact that what she was writing was true. The fact that there really were conversations about white people getting diseases from their black help if they sat on the same toilet (that’s right I said toilet), the fact that different bathrooms were built so this wouldn’t happen just makes me depressed. I can’t imagine thinking those things or even acting on those things. But when I stop and think about that time period I am reminded how far as a city, state, and nation we have come and how far we have to go.
In the past movies and even books have portrayed the South as a backwards community that did not know what was going on in the “real” world and refused to progress with the speed of the rest of the country. Just because we’re slow and don’t do things at the speed the rest of the country thinks we should, doesn’t make us backwards. I once traveled to Memphis with the high school band and met a band from Minnesota and they asked us if we had air conditioning in Mississippi and if we wore shoes. I was shocked that this perception still existed in the 20th Century (it happened in 1998) and that people actually believed that we didn’t have air conditioning, but that’s Hollywood for you, painting an inaccurate picture. Yes it is EXTREMELY hot in Mississippi during the summer, but we have air conditioning and we wear shoes, maybe not at home but at least in public. We are a proud stubborn people, we have seen things that no one should have to see, we have experienced things that no one should have to experience and we brought it all on ourselves. There are some of us who refuse to let that part of our history die and refuse to believe that they were wrong. But that is not everyone in the South. We are an educated people and those of us educated choose to stay with the hopes of making it a better place to live for our children and their children. And yes there may be times when we southerners choose not to do things only b/c someone from the outside is telling us we need to do it. This isn’t being backwards but being prideful and having a natural reaction to someone from the outside telling us what we “need” to do. I mean how would you feel if someone told you that everything you believed was wrong and everything you had been taught your ENTIRE life was now wrong. The way you lived your life was wrong and backwards and you needed to fix it. I don’t think many people would take too kindly to this and I think they would have the same reaction. Yes things in the South were bad and needed to change in the 1950s and 1960s and yes many southerners needed to be told to change and have it pointed out to them that this needed to happen. What I guess I’m arguing is that, things have changed in the South. Sure there are many things that need to change but there are many things that need to change across the country. Hollywood pointing to the South like it’s the redheaded step child of the country needs to stop! Some of the most talented people have come from the South. Some of the most beautiful works of art, both in literature and paintings have come from the South.
So I am pleased to see that a southern writer wrote about her state during a time she grew up and experienced it. I’m excited to see how the movie will turn out and to hear the actors take on the dreaded southern accent. (By the way just because we talk slow doesn’t mean we are slow, just means we enjoy talking and listening so we take our time). Kathryn Stockett is from Mississippi and will quickly admit that as soon as she was old enough she got out of Mississippi. She also writes that it is perfectly ok for her to speak ill of her mother (that being Mississippi) but she will gladly educate anyone else speaking ill of her mother (unless of course Mississippi is that person’s mother as well). And I have to say that I have done the same thing! I may hate many things about living in Mississippi but I LOVE this state. I love the people of this state, even if some of them still cling to the old ways, I love the feel of this state and I love knowing that when I pass someone on the street they are going to smile Hello to me and sometimes ask how I’m doing. You can’t get that anywhere else. Sure the weather is not something to brag about, one day its 60 degrees, the next it could be 80 and then 30 degrees. But you get used to it.
In The Help Kathryn Stockett tells the story of three brave women who choose to write a book about the lives of maids in Jackson, Mississippi. Brave because they decided to tell the story during the Civil Rights Movement when blacks were being beaten or killed and whites who helped were getting the same treatment. Brave because it was a new frontier, no one knew what happened between a maid and her missus and these women were about to tell this story. As I was reading it there was one character that I did not like and if I met her today there is no telling what I would say to her. This character’s name is Hilly and she is the know it all, she is in charge of the Jackson League and leads the women in the community. What Hilly says usually goes. We all know women like this, knew them when we were girls and knew them in college. I can’t stand this woman. There is a difference between being a leader and being a dictator. Hilly and women like her are dictators. They lead by placing fear of retribution into those they lead. No one wants to be ostracized, as one of the three women, Skeeter, finds out. Being on the outside was no fun for Skeeter and I think having her best friend Hilly(for they were best friends) do this to her, opened Skeeter’s eyes and motivated her to write the book faster. The Help takes on a subject that many people have thought about and maybe even written about but it tells a story from the point of view of the help and one woman who chose to step out of her character at the cost of her friendships and relationships. Mrs. Stockett does a great job of pointing out the things that needed to be changed in Jackson, Mississippi in the 1960s and of pointing out that things may appear different on the surface than they are beneath it.
I recommend this book to EVERYONE. Read it and go see the movie. It’s a fictional story about fictional people but the circumstances in this fiction could be and probably are true.
In a previous post I wrote that I was reading The Help and that once I finished I would get back. Well guess what! I finished it. Once I past a certain point in the book I couldn’t seem to put it down. Even though the story is fiction (and the author makes a note in her own words at the end of the book to make it known to the reader) it could just as well be true. Anyone who has grown up in the South and studied the region has read about life in the 1950s and 1960s and how drastic things got. As I was reading the book I got angry and some of the things that she was writing about, not at the author, but at the fact that what she was writing was true. The fact that there really were conversations about white people getting diseases from their black help if they sat on the same toilet (that’s right I said toilet), the fact that different bathrooms were built so this wouldn’t happen just makes me depressed. I can’t imagine thinking those things or even acting on those things. But when I stop and think about that time period I am reminded how far as a city, state, and nation we have come and how far we have to go.
In the past movies and even books have portrayed the South as a backwards community that did not know what was going on in the “real” world and refused to progress with the speed of the rest of the country. Just because we’re slow and don’t do things at the speed the rest of the country thinks we should, doesn’t make us backwards. I once traveled to Memphis with the high school band and met a band from Minnesota and they asked us if we had air conditioning in Mississippi and if we wore shoes. I was shocked that this perception still existed in the 20th Century (it happened in 1998) and that people actually believed that we didn’t have air conditioning, but that’s Hollywood for you, painting an inaccurate picture. Yes it is EXTREMELY hot in Mississippi during the summer, but we have air conditioning and we wear shoes, maybe not at home but at least in public. We are a proud stubborn people, we have seen things that no one should have to see, we have experienced things that no one should have to experience and we brought it all on ourselves. There are some of us who refuse to let that part of our history die and refuse to believe that they were wrong. But that is not everyone in the South. We are an educated people and those of us educated choose to stay with the hopes of making it a better place to live for our children and their children. And yes there may be times when we southerners choose not to do things only b/c someone from the outside is telling us we need to do it. This isn’t being backwards but being prideful and having a natural reaction to someone from the outside telling us what we “need” to do. I mean how would you feel if someone told you that everything you believed was wrong and everything you had been taught your ENTIRE life was now wrong. The way you lived your life was wrong and backwards and you needed to fix it. I don’t think many people would take too kindly to this and I think they would have the same reaction. Yes things in the South were bad and needed to change in the 1950s and 1960s and yes many southerners needed to be told to change and have it pointed out to them that this needed to happen. What I guess I’m arguing is that, things have changed in the South. Sure there are many things that need to change but there are many things that need to change across the country. Hollywood pointing to the South like it’s the redheaded step child of the country needs to stop! Some of the most talented people have come from the South. Some of the most beautiful works of art, both in literature and paintings have come from the South.
So I am pleased to see that a southern writer wrote about her state during a time she grew up and experienced it. I’m excited to see how the movie will turn out and to hear the actors take on the dreaded southern accent. (By the way just because we talk slow doesn’t mean we are slow, just means we enjoy talking and listening so we take our time). Kathryn Stockett is from Mississippi and will quickly admit that as soon as she was old enough she got out of Mississippi. She also writes that it is perfectly ok for her to speak ill of her mother (that being Mississippi) but she will gladly educate anyone else speaking ill of her mother (unless of course Mississippi is that person’s mother as well). And I have to say that I have done the same thing! I may hate many things about living in Mississippi but I LOVE this state. I love the people of this state, even if some of them still cling to the old ways, I love the feel of this state and I love knowing that when I pass someone on the street they are going to smile Hello to me and sometimes ask how I’m doing. You can’t get that anywhere else. Sure the weather is not something to brag about, one day its 60 degrees, the next it could be 80 and then 30 degrees. But you get used to it.
In The Help Kathryn Stockett tells the story of three brave women who choose to write a book about the lives of maids in Jackson, Mississippi. Brave because they decided to tell the story during the Civil Rights Movement when blacks were being beaten or killed and whites who helped were getting the same treatment. Brave because it was a new frontier, no one knew what happened between a maid and her missus and these women were about to tell this story. As I was reading it there was one character that I did not like and if I met her today there is no telling what I would say to her. This character’s name is Hilly and she is the know it all, she is in charge of the Jackson League and leads the women in the community. What Hilly says usually goes. We all know women like this, knew them when we were girls and knew them in college. I can’t stand this woman. There is a difference between being a leader and being a dictator. Hilly and women like her are dictators. They lead by placing fear of retribution into those they lead. No one wants to be ostracized, as one of the three women, Skeeter, finds out. Being on the outside was no fun for Skeeter and I think having her best friend Hilly(for they were best friends) do this to her, opened Skeeter’s eyes and motivated her to write the book faster. The Help takes on a subject that many people have thought about and maybe even written about but it tells a story from the point of view of the help and one woman who chose to step out of her character at the cost of her friendships and relationships. Mrs. Stockett does a great job of pointing out the things that needed to be changed in Jackson, Mississippi in the 1960s and of pointing out that things may appear different on the surface than they are beneath it.
I recommend this book to EVERYONE. Read it and go see the movie. It’s a fictional story about fictional people but the circumstances in this fiction could be and probably are true.
August 12, 2011
August 12, 2011
As I sit hear reading on CNN about the soldiers we lost on the deadliest day since the war in Afghanistan started, I’m struck by a realization. Some of those men were my age or close to my age and yet they seemed so much older than me. They have accomplished so much in their young lives and contributed more to the world than I would ever be able to. I mean how can I contribute more than a soldier who died in action on his way to rescue other soldiers each fighting for something that I believe in. Freedom. Seems like such a simple word and simple concept. Allow people the right to be well people, with some limitations. Yet every day we take that freedom for granted. Some of us even take for granted the very people who protect that freedom. Our military. I for one know that I couldn’t be in the military. I don’t like guns, not the guns are evil and guns kill people route. (Cause I know guns don’t kill people, people kill people) but just that guns make me nervous. So that and the fact that I’m not a really good runner solidify the fact that I couldn’t be in the military. My brother is in the military, my cousin is in the military, my grandfathers were in the military and my uncles and father are retired from the military. Granted it’s the National Guard, but hey, now a days, military is military. National Guardsmen are no longer just the weekend warriors they’ve been in the past.
Back to my original thought. Sorry got off track for a minute there. These men were in their 30’s, some younger than that. They were my age. Yet now they were gone and unable to achieve even more greatness. And what am I doing? Working an 8-5 job, visiting family and friends and making no difference in the world around me. I don’t recycle, I use a lot of air conditioning (hello Deep South here!!) and I drink a bottle of water a day during the work week. I’m not married and have no kids. So how can I go about making a difference in the world around me so that I at least feel like I’ve made an impact in the world, my country, my state or at the very least my hometown? That I don’t know. But I’m going to find a way to do it.
As I sit hear reading on CNN about the soldiers we lost on the deadliest day since the war in Afghanistan started, I’m struck by a realization. Some of those men were my age or close to my age and yet they seemed so much older than me. They have accomplished so much in their young lives and contributed more to the world than I would ever be able to. I mean how can I contribute more than a soldier who died in action on his way to rescue other soldiers each fighting for something that I believe in. Freedom. Seems like such a simple word and simple concept. Allow people the right to be well people, with some limitations. Yet every day we take that freedom for granted. Some of us even take for granted the very people who protect that freedom. Our military. I for one know that I couldn’t be in the military. I don’t like guns, not the guns are evil and guns kill people route. (Cause I know guns don’t kill people, people kill people) but just that guns make me nervous. So that and the fact that I’m not a really good runner solidify the fact that I couldn’t be in the military. My brother is in the military, my cousin is in the military, my grandfathers were in the military and my uncles and father are retired from the military. Granted it’s the National Guard, but hey, now a days, military is military. National Guardsmen are no longer just the weekend warriors they’ve been in the past.
Back to my original thought. Sorry got off track for a minute there. These men were in their 30’s, some younger than that. They were my age. Yet now they were gone and unable to achieve even more greatness. And what am I doing? Working an 8-5 job, visiting family and friends and making no difference in the world around me. I don’t recycle, I use a lot of air conditioning (hello Deep South here!!) and I drink a bottle of water a day during the work week. I’m not married and have no kids. So how can I go about making a difference in the world around me so that I at least feel like I’ve made an impact in the world, my country, my state or at the very least my hometown? That I don’t know. But I’m going to find a way to do it.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Remembering
With the 10 year anniversary of 9-11 fast approaching I can't help but remember where I was 10 years ago. Today. I mean I can vividly remember where I was and what I was doing 10 years ago! Which is big because I can barely remember what I'd did a year ago or sooner on some things. But I guess you could say that my life completely changed that day. Boone can know if their lives would have been different or the same. Noone can know what President Bush's presidency would have been like without that tragedy. We probably wouldn't be at war right now, but then maybe we would be at war. Because maybe something else would have happened had our state of awareness not been up.
What I do know is that it's a day that I'll never forget. I'll never forget what it felt like watching the towers fall and wondering where my dad was and if he was in one. I'll never forget being at Ole Miss and hearing about the student who passed out in the Union when they said which planes had crashed into the Twin Towers and she realized it was her father's plane. It may not always be at the front of my mind but it's there. And sometimes it feels like it happened just yesterday.
So as we approach this monumental anniversary let's not forget those who perished that day. Nor should we forget those who jumped up when duty called and fought and gave their lives for freedom. I know I won't.
Much love, CB :)
What I do know is that it's a day that I'll never forget. I'll never forget what it felt like watching the towers fall and wondering where my dad was and if he was in one. I'll never forget being at Ole Miss and hearing about the student who passed out in the Union when they said which planes had crashed into the Twin Towers and she realized it was her father's plane. It may not always be at the front of my mind but it's there. And sometimes it feels like it happened just yesterday.
So as we approach this monumental anniversary let's not forget those who perished that day. Nor should we forget those who jumped up when duty called and fought and gave their lives for freedom. I know I won't.
Much love, CB :)
Thursday, June 2, 2011
New Book
So I'm reading a new book Heaven is for Real and I gotta tell you that so far it is an amazing story about Faith, the power or prayer AND shows that there really is good in people today. I'm halfway through and I've cried like 3 times. It is so moving and I would recommend it to everyone I know. I'll post more once I'm done.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Weird
So I haven’t heard from my step-sister since our high school 10 year reunion in 2009 and then all of the sudden last night I got a message from her. It was really nonchalant and how she just came across my page and how I seemed happy. While I’m reading this message all I can think is….huh….where the crap did this come from. It’s really weird and out of the blue. Of course I’m going to respond but….it’s still weird. I mean before our 10 year reunion I hadn’t seen or heard from her since GRADUATION and she’s my step sister! I lived with her FATHER and my mother!! See my point??? I’m guessing/hoping that she is just missing us and wants to get in touch and find out how everyone is doing. See we share a brother, Brandon, and he’s about to graduate in like 2 weeks!! (holy crap….that’s a whole other topic!) so I’m hoping that she wants to get in touch and renew contact. Who knows….all I know is it’s weird.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Day 04 - A picture of your night
Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest.
Friday, April 8, 2011
30 Day Photo Challenge
So I'm doing this on my other blog and falling behind on my facebook page....so I thought I'd start it on here. Its a challenge based in photos and each day is obviously a different photo. So I'll start today with Day 1.
Day 01 - A picture of yourself with fifteen facts.
1-I’m lazy
2- I don’t have the best work ethic
3-I love to read romance novels
4-I love history
5-I’ve recently begun to love to workout
6-I love pop culture
7-I sometimes miss my childhood
8-I have 3 degrees
9-I don’t work in the field of my degrees
10-I love Ole Miss
11-I live to travel
12-I want to be married in a field of daisies
13-I want to have kids
14-I love the fact that I can claim to be Irish and Scottish
15-Green is my favorite color, but I own so little things its color.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Change
There is so much going on right now that I just don't know where to begin. So my roommate and I are moving this month (instead of next month) and we are moving in with her mom and grandmother. We're doing this for two reasons, 1. they need the help financially and 2. I need to save money in order to pay off my car and save for a house. I am so tired of renting and just putting that money into someone else's pocket. So we are gonna try to buy a house in one of our names and have the other pay rent or something. But for now we are moving in with her mom and grandmother. And that's not going to be too difficult I don't think but it will just be different. We've been in the house we are in now for 3 years and the change will be something that will take some getting used to.
I also have my dad's birthday, my sister's birthday, my brother's birthday, Easter (which is on my brother's birthday), a firm trip to Orange Beach (on the day of my other brother's senior game of baseball so I'm missing that) and my dad's retirement ceremony. Needless to say this is a busy month but less busy than next month so....whew! I'll be glad when I'm totally moved that's for sure!
I also have my dad's birthday, my sister's birthday, my brother's birthday, Easter (which is on my brother's birthday), a firm trip to Orange Beach (on the day of my other brother's senior game of baseball so I'm missing that) and my dad's retirement ceremony. Needless to say this is a busy month but less busy than next month so....whew! I'll be glad when I'm totally moved that's for sure!
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
miss you
I miss you so much sometimes that words cannot express how much I miss you. I think of something that i want to tell you and then it hits me that you aren’t there in person to hear it and it hurts that I can’t say it to your face. It hurts so bad sometimes that I can’t breath. You were my light when it was cloudy and I’ve had some really cloudy days lately and I miss my light. I know you are in a better place but that doesn’t stop me from being selfish and wanting you here. I love you.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
I'm not your parent
There so many thoughts running through my head right now I don't know where to begin. I know I haven't been the best sister with keeping in touch with my siblings but I do try and I guess the reason I don't try so hard with the youngest two is b/c when I do try to communicate with them, in a form they understand, text....they ignore it or don't respond. So I stop trying to talk to them. I know they're young and active and have a lot going on, but COME ON! I'm your sister for pete sakes! Don't act like I haven't been there and done that too. Geesh! I'm not going to parent the things you do b/c hey you have parents. I'm your older sister and I'm just trying to look out for you but how do I know to look out for you, defend you, protect you, yell at you, laugh with you, or be proud of you if you WON'T TALK TO ME! UGH! I can't do my job as a big sister if you won't let me and I'm the type of person that I'll only try so many times before I just give up and leave you on your own. Then when you come crying to me about a problem that I could've helped you with, I'll tell you it's too late just to see what you do. In general this would work, as its called tough love, and I may try that, I just don't know if it would work in this case. especially my sister b/c she is tooooooo much like me (in looks and attitude) and I know she would just be like well screw you too. and that's not what I want. I just want them to understand that by leaving me out and acting like I'm a parent and not their sister, they are hurting me. Yeah I'm 10-11 years older than they are but I do still remember what it was like when I was their age and I remember the total dumb ass mistakes i made and wish i could go back and redo them b/c while there are some dumb things i wouldn't do over, there are plenty i would. I just want the opportunity to be their friend now that they are at the ages where i don't feel like i have to watch what i do or say around them. it just hurts that I've lived my life a certain way for so long for them b/c i wanted to set a good example for them and it feels like they still see me as the responsible one who doesn't know how to have fun and who will tell dad (or mom) what they've done. i like to have fun, hell I've done things that they don't know about and can laugh about them now, but i know when enough is enough.
i don't know what I'm saying. too many random things jumbling together.
I love my brothers and sister, i do, but sometimes they drive me to drink.
i don't know what I'm saying. too many random things jumbling together.
I love my brothers and sister, i do, but sometimes they drive me to drink.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Turbo-Charged Cheetah??
So I got an email that had a link to play an addictive game. The point of the game is to see how fast your reflexes are in shooting tranquilizer dart at stray sheep. If you jump the gun there is a 3 second penalty which will inevitably put you in the slowest category. There are 5 categories of speed: Sluggish Snail, Ambling Armadillo, Bobbing Bobcat, Rocketing Rabbit and Turbo-Charged Cheetah. Each name is an obvious description of what your reflex speed was during that game. And let me tell you it gets addictive because you want to try to be the Turbo-charged Cheetah, I got close one time with a speed of .1906 seconds, I was the Rocketing Rabbit.
This game got me thinking about life. Or better yet the speed categories got me thinking about life. How often do we go through life at a sluggish pace? Just barely getting by, making no changes and no effort to make things better until things get to be too late. In fact because we have been going along at a “sluggish snail” pace our reflexes are down and our problems catch us and overwhelm us. Thus causing us to go at an even slower pace and almost just stopping and giving up. Don’t get me wrong there are days when you should go slow and just enjoy being alive and stop and smell the roses, nothing wrong with that. The problem is when one day becomes a week, then a month, then a year and then before you know it, 5 years are gone and the whole world comes crashing in on you.
So instead of going through life at a sluggish pace, would going through it as a “turbo-charged cheetah” be any better? I mean because in that situation you would going through life facing each problem head on and therefore they would have no way of sneaking up on you and surprising you. You would actually have a jump start and be really quick. The problem I see with that situation is the fact that because you are going through life so focused on solving problems or potential problems that you overlook the little things in life and you bring more stress on yourself. So what is the best method?
For me, the best method is the Bobbing Bobcat (which I have to say I averaged on the game, coincidence????). The theory here is that the “bobbing bobcat” is quick in some instances by solving problems as they appear efficiently and then moving on and in other instances the “bobcat” is slow in solving problems that need more effort and concentration. In this case you are able to focus solely on solving the difficult problem while also paying attention to potential problems. The “bobbing bobcat” is able to stop and smell the roses in life and knows to appreciate each day and the journey, knows that life isn’t a race but also understands that there are times when speed is a necessity. This is a happy medium. Or at least in my opinion it is. I don’t think we need to race through life and trying to solve problems that aren’t even an issue yet. I’m not saying I don’t think we shouldn’t anticipate potential problems, but thinking that in every situation there is going to be a problem will surely send you to your grave early b/c of the stress that puts on you. I also don’t think that you should just let life happen to you while you just get through it. If that’s the way you are living life then yeah you are going to be unhappy. Same goes for going through life too fast, you don’t have time to enjoy the fruits of your labor and of course you aren’t happy, you may say you are b/c you have everything but you really aren’t happy.
Of course I’m not saying this is about everybody or even anybody. This is just a theory that I have and agree with after seeing many people in each situation. Of course I think I’m in the middle ground with a tendency to slide towards “Ambling Armadillo” but that’s something I can work on b/c I have brought it to my attention. I by no means am perfect or have the solution to life or how to make you happy. I just know what makes me happy and most of the time, it’s the simple things. Playing with my puppy, talking to my best friend, watching my brother play baseball, having a cup of coffee with my dad, hanging out with my mom or my sister, these things put a smile on my face and bring me so much joy.
My family means so much to me and is a HUGE factor in my happiness. But that’s another issue I’m working on, cause they shouldn’t be the sole factor of my happiness. Like I’ve said in the past I’m a work in progress and while I’m working on me and come up with theories I’ll help you work on you. ;)
Till next time,
Court
P.S. I've posted the link to the game so you can give it a try!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Stuck
I fear I am stuck. Stuck in a place that I can’t get out of because I have no desire to try. Stuck in a place that I fear I may never try to get out of because it is comfortable and I don’t want to test the waters. I really want to move forward but I’m stuck. The thing that probably causes me to be stuck in this place is my fear of the unknown. Not fear of a challenge but the unknown. What if I go out there and nothing happens. Or worse what if I go out there and something does happen and I fail. This is not something that I look forward to; I do not like to fail. This probably explains a lot about me. Why when I was in high school I took 5 math classes when I only needed 3 to graduate, 4 sciences when I only needed 3 to graduate. Yet when I got to college took only the amount that I needed to graduate b/c I knew college math and science was harder than high school (as it should be).
I want desperately to get my PhD but I am not pushing myself towards it. I guess it’s along those same lines. I fear I will fail at it so I don’t pursue it. I make excuses. I dream of making it instead of actually trying to make it. So please explain to me why I can’t seem to move forward. It’s like I’m stuck in cement with no one to help break me out. I need the motivation to move forward. Maybe losing weight will be that motivation that I need. Maybe moving in with Misty’s mom will help lessen the money stress that I feel every time I think about going back to school. I mean getting a PhD is gonna cost some money and I already owe a HUGE amount in student loans. I just want to move forward and begin teaching and writing. I don’t really know what is stopping me from writing. The resources are there all I have to do is start. Maybe I’m afraid people will laugh and tell me I can’t do it. Maybe I believe I can’t do it. I seriously need some motivation.
I hate being stuck.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Itunes
So because I've recently purchased an IPhone I am in the process of putting my music onto it. I gotta tell you I love having my favorite music at my fingertips. Anyway I'm in the process of currently doing that and it gets pretty tedious especially when you realize that you have music on your computer not labeled. You see this then means that I have to sit and listen to the songs and name them. This is taking forever!! Ugh oh well it'll be worth it in the end.
Anyway guess I better get back to it.
Until next time!
Court :)
Anyway guess I better get back to it.
Until next time!
Court :)
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Winter Weather
Oh boy!! Looks like there is gonna be some more winter weather here! LOL! I find it terribly funny that there is a chance, a 40% chance, of a wintry mix and schools are already announcing when they will be closing. That's just crazy to me. I mean really?? Holy cow! I realize that this is the south and anytime that there is a mere MENTION of wintry weather, the grocery stories are cleared out and people go into panic mode. But I mean come on. There has to be a limit to the craziness. We haven't had a serious ice storm in years and there is no proof that the weather headed our way will cause one either. Now if we were in Tennessee or Arkansas there would be cause for concern. Or even if we were in North Mississippi, but hello we are in central Mississippi and there is only a little falling right now. I know the bridges are gonna freeze cause they always do when the temps are what they are, but come on! Calm down and if you want to see some real winter weather, check out Chicago or any place in the mid west or north. Now that's winter weather and reason to cancel school.
I guess that's one thing I'll never get used to down here. The way people freak out b/c of the weather. And I've lived here ALL MY LIFE. It's not just winter weather that freaks people out. Try driving in the rain, holy cow. Speeds get reduced to 40 in 70 mph zones and people grip the wheel. I can understand if it is pouring down, yes please drive slowly, but not when it's a drizzle! Any way, I guess that's just something that I'll have to keep dealing with!
Until next time! Be safe and stay warm!
Much Love,
Court
I guess that's one thing I'll never get used to down here. The way people freak out b/c of the weather. And I've lived here ALL MY LIFE. It's not just winter weather that freaks people out. Try driving in the rain, holy cow. Speeds get reduced to 40 in 70 mph zones and people grip the wheel. I can understand if it is pouring down, yes please drive slowly, but not when it's a drizzle! Any way, I guess that's just something that I'll have to keep dealing with!
Until next time! Be safe and stay warm!
Much Love,
Court
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Blogger App for Iphone
So I got the blogger app for my phone and I'm trying it out to see if I like it. So far so good. You know sometimes I just don't feel like getting my computer out to blog and I alway have my phone so we'll see how it goes.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Day Ten: One confession
Ok a confession. Well I have already confessed that when I was a teenager I had suicidal thoughts and how I moved passed that. So I guess the only other confession that I have to make is that I’m scared I’m a disappointment to my parents and they just don’t want to tell me. I’m scared I haven’t achieved everything that they wanted me to achieve and that by not doing so they will stop loving me. It’s something I’m working on. You know realizing that I don’t need their approval to make me happy. And that my accomplishments aren’t the reason they love me. Hey I’m a work in progress and I’d like to think that I’m getting there.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now
ummmmmm…..well let’s see
1. I’d have to say just the usual smiley. I’m pretty content with most of the aspects of my life so I smile.
2. I’d have to say another smiley would be the confused smiley, b/c yes I am a little confused. But that’s nothing unusal! :)
1. I’d have to say just the usual smiley. I’m pretty content with most of the aspects of my life so I smile.
2. I’d have to say another smiley would be the confused smiley, b/c yes I am a little confused. But that’s nothing unusal! :)
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