Traffic

OK so I've lived in a major city before, Dallas/Fort Worth Texas. And because I lived in said city I had to travel every day in traffic and when I say traffic I mean traffic. It often took me an hour to get to work and if there was a wreck well forget about it.  Not only did I live in a major city but I've driven in major cities.  Cities such as Nashville, Memphis, Birmingham, New Orleans, Atlanta and Washington, D.C. so I know about traffic.  Living in Jackson, Mississippi and driving to work there really shouldn't be that much traffic, I mean there's the typical holdups when lanes are merging, b/c let's be honest there are few people who know how to merge.  But driving into work this morning there was brake taping almost the entire way into Jackson from Madison and one would think that it was because of a wreck, but alas it wasn't! Not a wreck in site! Just people putting on their brakes for NO REASON! I mean come on people let's just all drive in the proper lane and go the proper speed and I promise there will be no need to brake tap. It is so infuriating to me to drive in the morning commute b/c half the people driving are not paying attention to what they are doing b/c they are either on the phone, putting make-up on (yes while driving on the INTERSTATE!) or reading the paper!! I mean SERIOUSLY! Put your phone down! who in the hell can you be talking to at 7:30 in the morning that it is so important it can't wait till you are out of traffic! UGH!! And if you can't get your make-up on at home or before you get on the interstate then wait to put it on when you get to work or wherever your destination may be!! There are some days (like today for instance) that I want to transport half the people in traffic and put them in Dallas or Atlanta at 8:00 in the morning and see how they fare.  UGH! OK enough for this morning, there may be more later as this frustration stews.

Why?

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here are times when I think to myself, why? Why do I eat when I am stressed out? Why do I let myself get stressed out when I know that everything will be ok? Why is life so complicated? Why am I still single? WHY? And then when I get done asking myself these questions I take a step back and look long and hard in the mirror. I obviously don’t see what other people see, heck in most cases many of us don’t see in ourselves what other people see in us. And that got me asking another round of questions. Why as a society do we let other people tell us what we should wear? Why do we let society tell us what we should eat? Why do we let those same people tell us what is good for us or what we should listen to, who’s right and who’s wrong.  When did our society stop making decisions for itself and start letting a select few make them for us? Why is our society so determined to sit back and let other people determine how their life should be lived?

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hen will we wake up and realize that WE are the only ones who should determine anything that happens in our OWN life? Other than a few basic things that we need guidance on we should be able to make choices and then live with those

consequences.  Now I’m not talking about children and teenagers, but if you are old enough to vote AND buy alcohol then you should be old enough to make some decisions on how you choose to live your life.  Why do we [women] look at the cover of a magazine and determine that the woman on the cover is the ideal beauty? Why do we [women] allow men to determine who is beautiful? Why do we allow those same impossibly skinny models determine how we feel about ourselves? Don’t we know that those models don’t eat and live in constant fear that somebody better and skinner will come along and steal the spotlight from them. Don’t we know that even if those designers don’t make clothes to fit us doesn’t mean there aren’t some FABULOUS clothes out there that look just as good and are CHEAPER! Why do we push ourselves to be something that is clearly not making us happy?

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ow I can understand losing weight because it will make you eat healthier, now that is a good thing and something that I am striving to do. I find this task difficult because I eat when I’m stressed out and guess what I’ve been stressed out for the last year so you guessed it, all that good I did before has just gone out the window. But I finding with everyday that that is ok, because I am learning more about me on the inside and until I realize that I am beautiful on the inside I will never see myself as beautiful on the outside no matter what my weight is.  So I am a work in progress and I think that’s a

good thing, I think that if we stop trying to improve ourselves, either mentally, physically or emotionally, then we will lose sight of the importance of the gift that God has given us. He gave us every possible resource we could need to improve on what He sees as perfect.  So yeah I have put on all the weight I lost 2 years ago and yeah I am self conscious about it, but you know what, I know deep down that I am becoming well acquainted with the me on the inside. And I’m beginning to think that she is one beautiful woman.  I may have a few extra pounds, but man I have a beautiful smile, beautiful color of eyes, gorgeous hair, a connection with God, and a Master’s Degree.   I think I’m doing pretty good.

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o the next time that you see a skinny girl and ask why you can’t look like that, just remember that she may be asking herself why can’t she be as free as you are.  Because when we love what we look like on the inside, it shines through to the outside and those flaws that we see become a little dimmer and fade into the background.  And we see what everyone else sees, a beautiful radiant woman.  So the next time that you look in the mirror and think you see all those flaws, whether they are there or not, just say to yourself that you are beautiful on the inside and that God loves you flaws and all.

Big Sister

People often say that you never know what is going to happen in life and that you should live every moment like it’s your last.  Parents often wonder if they raised their children right and prepared them for the great big world and they very rarely have confirmation that they’ve done a good job. That is until the child realizes it’s too late.  As a big sister I’ve often wondered if I’ve been a good influence to by younger siblings, especially the two that are so much younger than me.  My brother and sister are eleven years younger than me and were pretty young when I was going through my teenage years and my “learning phase” so I’ve often asked myself if they paid attention to anything that I did during those years. Sometimes I hoped they didn’t but others I hope they did.  The summer of my sophomore year, the one before junior year, in high school a friend of mine, a really good friend of mine, killed himself.  There were a ton of rumors about why and about the drugs that he was using.  But the fact still remains that when I was sixteen (16) I lost someone my age.  That’s a life changing event and something that you always remember.  Of course he wasn’t the first person I lost, my aunt died a few years before that and my grandfather died a couple of years before that. But he was the first teenager I knew who had died.  How do you answer the questions that rage through a teen’s mind when something like that happens, when suicide comes into your little perfect world? Honestly, I don’t know and I don’t think my mom knew either.  It was a learning experience for both of us.  But I do know one thing, she was there for me and her shoulder was good place for me to cry on.  Well I went on to graduate and then lost another friend, only this one was to cancer and a cancer that no one knew about until it was too late.  So in my formative years I lost two good friends to things I didn’t understand.  These experiences helped me in life and taught me that you should never take life for granted.  I guess in a way they made me grow up faster.  So when my sister was sixteen she too lost a friend, only he died in a car wreck, one that could’ve been avoided.  When my brother was sixteen, he too lost a friend in an avoidable car wreck.  More recently my brother, at the age of eighteen, lost a friend to suicide.  Those are tough experiences and since I’ve been there I know exactly what they are going through and I can offer the only advice I know how.  Drive carefully and life is never as bad as it seems to be.  As a big sister one of the greatest things in life I think you can experience is watching your younger siblings achieve greatness and wish for the stars. My not much younger brother is married and has a step-son and I can see that he has some growing to do but I can see that he wants to be a good husband and good dad.  I think he’ll get there. He’s done a lot of growing and maturing, I see some of my influence on him but he’s really been his own person and always a rebel. My sister is reaching for the stars in college and embracing life.  I often ask myself if I had any influence on her because we lived in two different households, but then there are times when I see it, just a glimmer, something I said or did sunk in.  Now my youngest brother is a senior in high school and racing towards that finish line. He’ll get there, I can see it.  He wants to play baseball and has since he was little. I have every faith that he will play.  With him I figure that I had some influence on him because we did live in the same house.  However as he approached his teenage years it became questionable.  But looking back I see that yeah something I said or did, stuck.  He told me recently that if baseball doesn’t work out, he wants to teach and coach baseball.  I asked him what he planned on majoring in when he got to college, figuring he wouldn’t know.  He told me secondary education.  I couldn’t believe it and told him how proud I was of him.  Both he and my sister are FAR ahead of me in that field.  They both know what they want to do and are reaching for those dreams. I on the other hand didn’t figure it out until AFTER I graduated high school and started working.  But hey, maybe that means they are learning from me.  With the tragedies that those two have faced and will face they are bursting through stronger and more focused than I ever did and I can honestly say that I have never been more proud.  Of course they have a ways to go before they reach total maturity, but don’t we all.  And they are still young and I’m hoping that they are paying attention to the good decisions that I am making and learning from my mistakes.  They’re still going to make mistakes, that’s what life is about, learning and growing.  But I’ll be there, to be that shoulder for them to cry on, lean on or boost them above the crowd.   Because, hey I’m their big sister and their biggest fan.

Senior Portraits-fun

So we went downtown today to take senior portraits for my cousin and let me tell you that I had NO idea that there were actually pretty places in Downtown Jackson. I guess in small sections there are pretty areas of the town and some really cool areas.   I mean I've lived in Jackson my whole life and had no idea any of the places we went to even existed.  I guess when you drive by them everyday you don't really pay attention to them. 

One of the coolest things we did do was walk down some railroad tracks and took some pictures and I gotta tell you those were some pretty pictures! Also pretty scary considering a train could have come at any point in time. 

Other than that nothing really intersting to say today.  But there will be more!

Until next time!

Rebel :)